Pity is the highest form of descrimination. To excuse someone from the standard is to deem them less human. It’s the slippery slope I see teachers and coaches tumbling down. As more research emerges about the effects of trauma and stress, the more excused, inexcusable behavior has become.
“If you knew their home life…” Is a really popular phrase right now. First of all, no child should suffer abuse, neglect, trauma. We make bad stuff way worse when we let what happen determine what can happen. To tell a kid they can’t help the way they act, is to tell them what happened cant be overcome. There’s a lot of cruelty and racism out there disguised as acceptance and tolerance. Let’s be honest. Across the board, do we expect the same standard from the wealthy white kid as we do the poor african american. What is the internal story we tell ourselves when we see someone homeless. Do we believe them capable of big ideas, leadership and humanity. Or do we look away, shrug our shoulders and say “that’s sad.”
If we all believe the nurturing environment caused the behavior, why can’t nurture change it? We can’t be talking out of both sides of our mouth. We cannot attribute low character to trauma, but also believe new environments cannot set a new course.
There is nothing hateful about asking a struggling kid to struggle more. Actually it is pure love. When we demand from a kid, what we’re saying is “I believe.” “I believe you are more than your abuse, more than your learning disorder. I don’t care what your excuse is, because I care about you more.”
We “help” kids to death because we don’t think their capable. We make things safe because we do not trust them. We remove all responsibility because we believe them to be infrerior. That’s how you love a dog, not a person. I dont think our ancestors are apes but the theory of adaptation is undeniable. The human brain will adapt to the standards we do and do not enforce. One is love. The other looks like love but is something much different.
Struggle Well Friends