tag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:/blogs/readRead2020-11-02T17:26:31-05:00manchildmediafalsetag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:Post/64687982020-11-02T17:26:31-05:002023-12-10T12:51:59-05:00NO MATTER WHO WINS, DON'T LOSE YOUR HUMANITY<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/7cba25e85b69bbfdd8d976ecd99ba663b7e88ec1/original/old-time-vote.jpg/!!/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" />No matter the result tomorrow, keep your humanity. How we talk to each other matters. What we say matters. It’s hard to hate up close. If you wouldn’t say it while looking someone in the eye, then don’t say it at all. Resist the easy way out with cheap shots in the comment sections and useless divisive posts on social media. We are human. We have that package that can deny one impulse because we know a little self-restraint, discipline and common sense will keep us alive. It’s a package that doesn’t seem to be in heavy use, but we still have it. It is God’s greatest gift to us, our will. And this isn’t the first time He’s watch us with an inability to control it. One of my favorite bible passages is when Jesus was people watching and realized how much they were like sheep and then he cried. I laugh out loud every time. We haven’t treated each other humanely because we don’t communicate human-ly. We have Netflix documentaries about all the fake food we are consuming. Moms carefully monitoring the amount of artificially lit screens the children look at. But no one is talking about how we talk to each other. You can zoom, skype, facetime, text, email, call, snap chat, direct message, instant message and tender swipe. All are forms of communicating and none of them are natural. Think about all the beefs you’ve had with someone… All of them, high school drama, wedding invite drama, offended by the pastor drama… Election drama… How much of that conflict was in person? How much of the he said, she said was said to he or she while looking them in the eye? Me too. Humans are at their best when they talk the way humans were meant to. Anything else gets weird real quick. I mean anything else. Even public speaking is a relatively new wave of comm on the timeline of mankind. The way greeks were posturing in front of the senate wasn’t the same way they went to dinner and spoke to each other. A heart next to a picture is not the same event as your buddy putting his arm around and saying I’m proud of you. A burn on Facebook isn’t the same as speaking your mind and taking it outside. Our brain, still the reigning supercomputer, needs eye contact, touch, sound of a familiar voice, facial expressions. That’s how we make sense of what’s real. The other stuff feels fake because it is. The human kind of communication feels real, because it’s risky. It’s hard to tell someone how you feel. It’s electrifying to hear someone say they love you for the first time. You don’t run your mouth without preparing to dodge a punch in the mouth. Online you don’t get any of that. Words mean nothing because we took away the consequences… Except there is one, our humanity. Slowly, one thumbs up, or snarky faceless comment, we slip down the food chain until we’ve trained ourselves to give into our every animal like impulse. Until we take the bait and get ourselves killed. No matter who wins, it’s up to us to make sure we don’t all lose. Struggle Well Friends</p>manchildmediatag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:Post/64300022020-09-10T11:38:49-04:002023-04-15T01:42:40-04:00Your Character Has Nothing To Do With who Isn’t Watching<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> <img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/cba84cc26ff1642a4b809cbf255f78c886b553b3/original/img-6975.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /> I’ll admit I’m a curmudgeon when it comes to over used sayings with under used thought. Nothing solicits a sharp eye roll more than the adage “character is who you are when no one’s watching. That’s stupid. And more importantly who cares?</p>
<p> Mostly the trait in question when character comes up is morality. What do you believe is right and wrong and how do you live that out? If you treat someone kindly but don’t feel like being kind, was it still an act of kindness. Yes. And more importantly does your feeling of frustration really indict your character. NO. What you did was kind… How you felt was a temporary weaker version of you, you had to strong arm internally. Your character has everything to do with what you’ve wrestled with. The lonely internal labor and the treatment of your fellow man you deliver. That’s your character.</p>
<p> Are we all going to look each other in the eye and pretend we don’t hang the phone up and curse each other’s existence when we argue who left the garage open last night? That we don’t fantasize choking the barista when they put whip cream in our milkshake of a coffee? If lying is part of the morality game, isn’t this thing unraveling before we even start? The “When no one’s looking” philosophy is a shame game. All of us are dealing with thoughts we’d rather not have anyone know about. It’s a struggle as old as sin. What’s not helpful is feeling bad about the way we feel for a moment instead of dealing with it. Psyching ourselves out into non action and convincing ourselves we’re just bad people.</p>
<p> We need to give ourselves a little more grace about the internal battles we have, so that we can fight them better. You're not a bad person for thinking your sick kid is whiny and should get over it. It’s only bad when you act on it. How you feel about the way you felt and didn’t act is irrelevant and a waste of mental energy. The way I choose to live out right and wrong, kindness or evil, has everything to do with what I’ve had to fight with long before I got in the arena with you. Anger, spite, jealousy, comparison they are my morality sparing partners, after hours when they’re isn’t anyone in the gym. I have to wrestle with the way I want to treat someone. Is this out of anger? Is this right? Yes I am angry, no this isn’t right so I need to get over it.</p>
<p> But see, behind closed doors for a brief time I felt all these awful things. I had all the terrible thoughts while no one was looking. But if I get in the ring on “fight night” and do right, I won. Former NFL quarterback Trent Dilfer leads this thing called ELITE 11. A camp invite to the best quarterbacks in the nation. They’re already shiny 5 star products but internally they have miles to cover before they’re prepared for the laser beam of a spot light they’ll be thrown into. I heard him say to them “you have to do the lonely work to know what’s true about yourself.”</p>
<p> If you are taking the question of your character to the arena of human exchange, it’s too late. Your foundation is sand, and you’ll collapse under the social pressure. You’ll shape shift trying to please everyone and go home hating yourself. Your action comes out of knowing the answer, not in search of it. And you’ll never know the answer unless you wrestle privately with your question. Don’t beat yourself up for thinking the bad stuff. Beat up the bad stuff by knowing what’s going on within. Develop self awareness. Why do I feel the way I do? Is this right? Then do what’s right. It’s easy to live as slaves to our emotions but that’s not how we are designed. Emotions are directions to truths, not destinations of it. That’s why time alone is essential. Doing hard things that make us uncomfortable are self awareness sharpeners. You cannot be who you want without them and you character, your real character depends on it.</p>
<p>Struggle Well Friends</p>manchildmediatag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:Post/64135472020-08-20T12:53:13-04:002022-09-09T09:43:19-04:00LESSONS FROM THE ICE: MASTER YOUR TOOLS<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/1902c2d5e8e1581b35e1a30857af0dca648c42c1/original/master-your-tools-1.jpg" class="size_orig justify_center border_none" alt="" /></p>
<p>BY PETER KAPLE</p>
<p>What can a 308’ Icebreaker and Antarctica teach you about life? </p>
<p>Short Answer - A Lot </p>
<p>Lesson from the Ice - Master Your Tools </p>
<p>My icebreaker and my home for the last 7 years has been the RVIB Nathaniel B. Palmer. She was built by North American Shipyard in LaRose, Louisiana in 1992. She has a length of 308’, beam of 30’, and draft of 23’. She draws power from four Caterpillar 3608 engines for a combined horsepower of 13,200. The engines are split between two shafts, and at the end of the shafts are controllable pitch propellers. The American Bureau of Shipping classifies the Palmer as an A2 icebreaker. This means she is capable of breaking ice that is 3 feet thick while moving continuously at 3 knots. </p>
<p>She is not the biggest icebreaker. She is not the most powerful icebreaker. She was not built to be either of those things. She was built to do scientific research in the ice and she is damn good at it. Controllable pitch propellers and big rudders make her very maneuverable, allowing her to maneuver around ice much quicker than a larger vessel. </p>
<p>The truth surrounding her abilities is simple, and while she does have her limits, she is only as capable as the mariner at the helm. On top of needing to have a comprehensive knowledge of sea ice, a mariner manuevering in the ice must have an intimate understanding of how the vessel operates. You have to understand how she will react to every adjustment of the controls. Essentially, this 308-foot icebreaker must become an extension of you. Once this happens, even her limits can be used to your advantage. </p>
<p>With an ever changing landscape of sea ice, it can take years to master control of the ship. There are some situations that rarely occur, so learning how the ship reacts to different ones takes time. There are also so many aspects to icebreaking that it’s hard to quickly master a single scenario . Every trip to the ice I feel I learn a bit more about what the Nathaniel B. Palmer is capable of handling. I might see a situation for the first time or finally master an old one. I will always have more to learn. While I gain mastery, I must remain a student. </p>
<p>The RVIB Nathaniel B. Palmer is a tool, albeit a complex tool in a complex environment, but in the end, she is just a tool. The skills and knowledge of how best to use that tool take time. We too often pick up a new tool, whether a saw or a fly rod or camera, use it a few times without producing the results we see on social media, decide we got the wrong one, and walk away from that pursuit entirely. </p>
<p>We idolize guides and professionals, and quickly chalk up their abilities to the tools they use, not the mastery they have of them. We see the ease in which these idols wield their tools and decide that we too can do things with the same ease. That we don’t need to practice or continue to learn. We expect everything to come naturally, and then we quit the first time things become a challenge. </p>
<p>Every time you pick up a new tool, you must realize that you will fail, learning to use it will be difficult, and it will take a lot longer to master than you would like. Failure is only truly failure if you don’t take the time to learn from it and then apply what you learn to become better. If learning something was easy, then would you really want to pursue it? As for how long it takes to master something, the best part is the journey to mastery and all the lessons along the way. Learn to struggle well and in time you will master your tools.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>manchildmediatag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:Post/64119512020-08-18T09:24:17-04:002020-09-10T01:19:58-04:00Happiness Lives with Our Reference Point: The more we do, the less things seem hard<p style="text-align: center;"><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/c941bb08af665953029be27fa162a0b6ba9df18a/original/img-7128.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p style="text-align: center;">HAPPINESS LIVES WITH YOUR REFERENCE POINT</p>
<p>The more I try to avoid the hard stuff the harder everything seems to be…. I’ll admit Conflict, hard work, eating half way decent, there not my first choice. I know this though, the further along the pain spectrum my reference point for difficult becomes, the happier I am. The softer I get, the sadder I get. This may not be profound but it’s everything to me. The best news in all of this is tough and happy and soft and sad are not final states. They’re trainable and loseable.</p>
<p>In Japan there is a tradition called Misogi where people travel way up this mountain to this sacred waterfall. Submerging themselves, the freezing cold water is considered a form or purification. It’s hard to get there, it’s violently uncomfortable and the cold water is meant to be a reference point for all other discomfort in the coming year. They believe discomfort “purifies” their endurance to handle tough things that may come.</p>
<p>As KILL BILL as all of this sounds, the principal of the practice applies to you and me. Take for instance the term,” first world problems”. When we murmur such a millennial phrase, we mean things are so good that we have to find extravagant, meaningless details to complain about. Food, water, shelter needs are met. Now it’s time to compare cars, salaries and… well you know. On the flip side if you have ever been working outside and it’s really, really hot and all you want is a drink of water… You’re not thinking about the new Ford Bronco, being the district manager… In that moment, happiness is a cup of water. So simple.</p>
<p>I work with kids for a living… I’m supposed to get them big, strong, fast and tough enough for a gauntlet of social, physical and mental confrontations of a football game. It never fails, kids that haven’t been asked to train hard before feel like they’re getting attacked, picked on, being mistreated. They have no coping skills for the new found discomfort so they panic. They lose all concept of time, they become disoriented, defensive and fearful. The more convenient things become for us, the more comfortable our daily life is, the more our reference point decays. The more discomfort we experience, the more it takes to make us uncomfortable. The more we put ourselves in harm’s way, the harder we are to harm.</p>
<p>The American Dream was never life, liberty and the new IPHONE X. It’s the pursuit… The pursuit makes us happy…. The things that cause us great struggle make us happy because they strengthen our reference point in the most wonderful catch 22. The more things we do…. The less things seem hard. The less things seem difficult; the more peace we feel. Want your kids to be happy? Make them do hard things. Sure, they’ll lose their minds. Hang on, don’t back off. When they realize the discomfort isn’t going anywhere and neither are you, they will adapt. They will harden. The neuroplasticity of their brain will shape around the struggle and their processing systems will come to accept it, and maybe one day be thankful for it.</p>
<p>Struggle Well</p>manchildmediatag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:Post/64071682020-08-11T12:09:47-04:002021-04-21T12:35:19-04:00Why You Mad Bro? You don’t know Either: How we’ve all turned into a Toddler Tantrum<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/baec115e7cc975ebcb7ec59d5baaedc0ebc4a6bb/original/mc-6.jpg/!!/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" />You ever see a nap needing, hungry 4 year old? As they tear the baseboards from the living room and watch the world burn, they have no idea what they want. They just know they’re miserable. How did so many of us find ourselves in the adult edition gold fish snack deprived state of despair? How’d we get so depressed, so anxious, so triggered? We’re angry, sad, bored and looking for someone to blame. Someone we can pin it on so our misery can at least make sense. Maybe we’re reading the play all wrong. The characters are confusing and the plot makes no sense. Between our aunts’ facebook posts’ of Jesus wearing an American flag robe shaking hands with Donald Trump, and our old history teacher demanding to disband the police force, things are murky at best. Maybe the origin and author of our pain is much more familiar than super rich conspiracy theories and secret agendas of cashless societies. What if the person responsible for all your misery was…. Are you ready? YOU. There’s a guy named Mike Mchargue. He’s largely responsible for many of the algorithms that spit out the underwear ad on your instafeed when you thought about buying new underwear in the shower one time. He notes we all construct our reality by creating a villain and a hero for the story we’re in. If you know who the bad guy is, your seemingly senseless pain and discomfort can be credited to one source. It makes our world make sense. “It’s the liberals making everybody soft.” “It’s the racists republicans oppressing us.” “My dad left” “I’m poor”. It feels better to have a reason why you feel bad. Nothing’s worse than feeling bad and knowing it’s your fault. Where’s the fun in that? The free pass understood excuse? The built in sympathy for all our short comings? Micah Fink runs an organization that helps veterans returning from combat get their life back. His program is based around the idea of the essential need to struggle. In other words, the only way out of the last challenge is the next. In the midst of great and terrible struggle we enter what Fink calls “original thought.” A truth about ourselves that no one else can tell us, or interpret. Struggle makes our story true. Struggle makes our story worth living. The hardest truth pill there is to swallow is the one about yourself. This isn’t to discredited the terrible things that happen to some of us. Yes abuse happens, parents hurt their children, sickness attacks our bodies. Some are born poor, some are born rich. Some have dads, some don’t. But if that’s the end of the plot, the story’s a tragedy. I’ve worked with athletes that come from unspeakable tragedy, violence and abuse and there’s one common route that brings them out. They want something. What do you want now? To want is to hope. To hope is to have purpose. Indifference is death. Our pain is not the product of a system. It’s the lack of want. We sit in depressed, anxiety stricken states scrolling an endless narrative about how wronged we’ve all been done until it’s downloaded in our hearts. The fictional story of our misery becomes our default setting. Want to feel good again? Find what you want. It’s harder than you think. Harder than deciding to eat at Chile’s or Apple Bee’s with your spouse. How do you find it? Put yourself in challenge. Open the business. Go on the trip. Go for a run. If how it makes you feel is worth the struggle, in other words, the juice is worth the squeeze, you’ve discovered want. You’ve discovered hope. When you have it, it doesn’t matter what’s happened before. The previous pain isn’t as valuable as the potential for happiness. You know what you want, what you have to do to get there. You know who you’ll be while you’re struggling for it. And that knowledge is priceless.</p>
<p>Struggle Well</p>manchildmediatag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:Post/64015842020-08-04T11:02:39-04:002022-03-20T20:51:59-04:00LESSONS FROM THE ICE:BE THANKFUL AND ENJOY WHAT YOU HAVE<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/213a5af85237782b2b6a8eede842abdda078344f/original/be-thankful-2.jpg/!!/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/41ffa9b78d55fad3b253f3ffafd88323baea9299/original/be-thankful-1.jpg/!!/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" />BY PETER KAPLE</p>
<p>What can a 240’ Icebreaker and Antarctica teach you about life? </p>
<p>Short Answer - A Lot </p>
<p>Lesson from the Ice: Be thankful and enjoy what you have. </p>
<p>I spent my first two years in Antarctica working on the Antarctic Research Supply Vessel (ARSV) Laurence M. Gould. She is a 240-foot ice capable vessel. She conducts scientific operations throughout the Antarctic Peninsula. However, her main mission is to resupply Palmer Station, the US Antarctic Program’s base on Anvers Island. </p>
<p>The trip to Anvers Island takes you along the Antarctic Peninsula. You go through channels with almost mystical sounding names like Neumayer and Gerlache. Places where glacier-capped mountains soar 5000 feet out of the ocean and channels run hundreds of feet deep. The entire peninsula feels otherworldly. It’s a wild, rugged country unlike any I have ever seen. In the time I worked along the peninsula, I rarely took a picture and certainly never appreciated the landscape for what it is—a masterpiece. The mountains were nothing more than a backdrop. The deep fjords were nothing more than a route between ports. I didn’t take the time to be thankful for what I was experiencing. Ironically, much later, a different set of mountains would change my life and leave me longing to return to the peninsula and its glacier-capped range. </p>
<p>While on a hunt in Wyoming’s Sierra Madre Range, I learned the importance of being thankful for the people I have around me and the experiences I get to live out. I entered those mountains with the purpose of finding a black bear, but I left with a deeper understanding of my life. Sitting patiently on the side of a mountain, I was forced to slow down and reflect. I came to realize how much good I had in my life and how many unique experiences life had brought me. </p>
<p>These days, I try to slow down and reflect as often as I can. It’s not always easy. But that’s a huge reason I’m so drawn to the outdoors—to hunting and fishing. These pursuits force you to slow down and focus on the present. After all, in order to really understand an animal, you must understand the world it lives in. And to understand the natural world, you have to be there, in the present and focused on nothing but the world right at your fingertips. </p>
<p>We too often get so focused on what’s next, what’s in the future, that we forget to live in the present. Because we are distracted by other thoughts, we often miss the importance and joy of events that might only happen once in a lifetime. It might not be the chance to admire the beauty of an ice-capped mountain range. It could instead be something as simple as a unique way in which a redfish took a fly. Moments like these are fleeting. Gone in an instant. Enjoy them. </p>
<p>Take a moment each day to be thankful for what you have and the life you get to experience. It’s easy to look at the world around us and be jealous and upset by the lives of others. If you want to make changes to your life, you must realize they will take time. While those changes are happening, take a deep breath and enjoy the process. Enjoy the journey you have in front of you and the people that you will meet along the way. </p>manchildmediatag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:Post/62954572020-04-26T21:59:07-04:002023-04-13T08:42:44-04:00Quarantine Tutorial: 30 days with a wife of 10 years, has been anything but familiar<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/2e8a1027dbbe7fff93f9930d0bc6a71891491ff6/original/e12feabc-838a-4f04-814d-574ce8cdd887.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.jpg" class="size_m justify_center border_" /></p>
<p><span class="font_small">QUARANTINE TUTORIAL: 30 DAYS WITH A WIFE OF 10 YEARS, HAS BEEN ANYTHING BUT FAMILIAR </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Familiarity breeds contempt. It’s a simple truth that lately I’ve had my nose rubbed in. No, more than rubbed, more like waterboarded by. My nose has been scraped off by the fact that the more we are around someone the more fault we find in them. No surprise here. Ole Benny Franklin knew fish and company stunk in three days. Wonder how he thought spouses smelled after a decade? </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">That cute quirky way the love of your life chews gum, or hold a taco shell, is now an intolerable act of terrorism. Adjusting the thermostat is cold war and your children are a bridge of spies. How did we get here? How did we go from “you hang up first” to hiding in the bathroom from each other. Two kids, 10 moves 5 states, so much time, so much proximity. But 11 years later, she’s anything but familiar. There’s a stranger in my bed. I think there is anyway, I went to bed early and she went to watch Big Little Lies . </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Is it possible to know someone so well, we forget to keep getting to know them? Love guru(ish) I know but hear me out. Those 10 moves, those 5 states, those babies, those hirings and firings. They did something to me. They formed new grooves in the ravines of my mind, smoothed over like cavern walls products of wind, water and time. I’m not the same person I was 10 years ago. I’m not the same person I was 3 years ago. But I forget she isn’t either. I forgot to write home because I was too busy being at home. How was she changing? What did she think of all this? What lights her heart up now? No man is an island, and no woman is a lake. They’re rivers, always there, but never the same water flowing in that same spot. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">I’m so familiar to my wife, I’m foreign to her. And likewise with her. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">10 years later, I’m trying to impress the 21 year old version of my wife, Striking out hard and hating her for it. She isn’t even attempting with me, there’s too much puke, too many butts needing wiped and someone has tears streaming down their face. Someone is always crying. So logic has confronted me with this ultimatum of human exchange. We change over time, and how we feel as well. What worked 10 years ago, won’t work today... What worked yesterday won’t work today. I hear break ups chalked up to “I just don’t feel the same.” Of course you don’t. That’s not possible, that’s not an option. Grandma doesn’t feel like a prom queen anymore. Your wife doesn’t feel like a little girl, giggly you talked to her. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">So is “till death do us part,” even possible. Are we just fooling ourselves because we’ve been top of the food chain too long? Should we just stay away from each other, then go in rut every fall and spring, fight each other and the women will wait to see who kills who. Can we stay together, and not just for the kids, but because we’re in love. Not the same love, but love, ever changing, ever flowing, day to day. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Fishing guides make money because they know how to catch a fish everyday, no matter the conditions. Idiots in the outdoor isle at Walmart say things like “use watermelon shads.” The real deal’s, the ones you hand wads of cash to, to put you on fish, know the situation is fluid. The moon, the tide, the temperature, the sun, the clarity of the water. All are playing a factor to where the fish are. We’re that idiot in the isle for each other. “I’ll get her flowers, rub her back.” “He likes going to concerts.” Then dumfounded on the shore line, suddenly find ourselves “skunked.” What used to be a sure thing, sends us home empty handed. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">We have to know the daily conditions. How do we do that? You ready? Ask. Ask your spouse “where are they right now?”. “Is this working?” It’s gonna take some practice to not lie to each other at first. It’s going to take time to get over the trauma when you start telling each other the truth. But after that... You start plotting waypoints on each other’s maps, you’ll start finding where they went to hide. And why they went there. But it’s work. Like the guide getting the boat in the water the 100 mornings you were in bed. That intellectual capital of fish behavior and conditions came with a great price... Time, effort and communication. <br>Knowledge of her heart, or his heart is the product of hard, hard, endless work. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Stop being surprised things change. Take what’s not working seriously, but not personally. The water’s just different. The greatest problem with communication is assuming it </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">happened. Don’t get tired of chasing her, chasing him. Don’t settle for cordial. Peace without resolution is endless conflict. Rip off band aids. Air out old wounds. Say what you mean, then ask your self why you meant it. Fell in love is past tense. What now?</span></p>manchildmediatag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:Post/62820382020-04-14T10:36:00-04:002020-04-14T12:28:11-04:00You won't talk to your friends if you don't call, and other stuff you need to get over<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/ddc0457a293137cfde32b2e98536d0f7b4d54cf8/original/mc-nodeals-inst.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.png" class="size_m justify_center border_" /></p>
<p><span class="font_small">I’ve never said “I shouldn’t have to” and been happy at the end of that statement. Our internal huff, and the never ending narrative that “I’m always the one that has to say sorry.” “I’m always the one left to clean up the mess.” Is a virus no one is too keen to wash their hands of. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">And why not? Why do we insist on a daily download of disgruntled-ness, rather than gratitude, grace. I’ve never been generous and regretted it. Buried the hatchet with a friend and wished we’d kept fighting. But oh boy, the time I wasted up to that point. Anxious I wouldn’t have enough if I gave that much, Indignant that I should be the one to apologize when clearly they were in the wrong. I’ve gone a full Vegas heavy weight 12 rounds over it in the shower about how right I was. I’ve assaulted friends eardrums with my hurricane of grievances in hopes for an endorsement of my saltiness. And they’d give it, and I’d still be miserable, but at least I had company. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">So why do we wring our hands, and nash our teeth at the labors that bring the fruit of the spirit; Love, Joy, Peace, Patience? It’s like a citrus farmer waking up every morning, cursing the ladder he must climb, the basket he must carry and the hot sun for making it all grow. But we do, we so do that everyday. Why? Because comfort. Comfort and joy, contrary to the Christmas Carole, are not the same. And most of the time in different time zones from each other. There is joy in watching your kid take off on his bike for the first time on his own. There is no comfort in teaching him to ride. There is heavenly relief when you and a loved one find forgiveness. There’s nothing pleasant about the conversation you must have to find it. A home cooked meal, you grew, or gilled or caught.. Nothing tastes better on your plate and was hell to get it there. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Comfort is the opposite of the joys we deposit in our memory bank. It’s easier to stay home, save the money than load the kids up and drive through the night to the beach. It’s more comfortable to skip the run, keep your shirt on and sit by the pool at the party, even when your daughter’s begging you to swim. There’s a banner Oxford Pennant sells that reads “Comfort is a slow Death.” </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">And is it ever. It’s the death of our relationships. It’s more comfortable to not say what you feel than risk such vulnerability in the off chance you’ll find a real exchange the ties your heart strings together. Let’s keep it real real here, It’s easier to visit that certain website than pursue your wife. But y’all aint ready for that talk. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">It’s the death of our health. It’s just easier not to stress our heart and just sit and scroll. It’s just easier to hit another drive through than cook a meal with our kids. It’s faster, it’s more convenient it’s cheaper and it will kill you. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">What would it look like if we put on different lenses to see our struggles. What if instead of waiting for the phone to ring, we pick it up, called our buddy, checked in and told them we love them. More so, what if we harbored no resentment that we we’re the ones that had to call. That we’re the one’s that had to initiate connection in our love life. What if we picked up the check… again… and didn’t think, “I always have to pay.” What if we thought, thank God I have the money to pay it. The job to make it… To treat my brother, again. What if we thought “I’m glad I could see my buddy needs me.” </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">There’s joy there. And plenty of it to be had. But you’re going to have to get over some things. Eat some truths. Make no Deals with comfort. You’re going have to be the one that sees love through. And not just expect it, but enjoy it. To learn to enjoy vs endure is a freedom folks don’t no what to do with when they see it. It’s spectacular, convicting and catalyzing. The next time “you have every right to…” Or they deserve it.. don’t. The next time you shouldn’t have to… Do it anyway, </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Smile, and Struggle Well</span></p>manchildmediatag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:Post/62642912020-03-27T20:38:02-04:002023-12-10T11:42:55-05:00Fear and Love | The Two Rivers We Drink From<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/0d4693f7f09fca88413aaadbb2ff4e3601b95eee/original/img-5564.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.png" class="size_m justify_center border_" /></p>
<p><span class="font_small">There are two rivers I drink from. One is Fear and the other is Love… Literally everything I do comes down to these two emotions. They drive all my actions. Where I spend my money, my time, the things I say, the stuff I eat, the relationships I choose, and choose to avoid. “Is this a threat?” Or “Do I love this person” That’s it. One gives me and everyone around me life the way a cold drink of water does, the other poison. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">We tell ourselves stories justifying our ill will towards others. The more complicated our back story the more excusable our cowardice. Micah Fink, director of Heroes and Horses, a program that helps combat vets get their life back once told me this. “There’s no difference between the worst and best thing that ever happened to you if your life stops after that. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Look, I drank the “know thyself koolaid” with both hands on the cup and my eyes closed. Self reflection, enneagrams and what not. They’re all very valuable at diagnosis, but we tend to stop there and think that’s just the way we are. But we don’t seem to ask ourselves why we feel that way. It’s as if our feelings are omniscient. “Trust your gut” we say. Who made our gut God? Our emotions became indisputable when we proclaimed ourselves our savior. “Make sure you call because you know I worry.” We say to each other as if our irrational selfish fear is some law of physics that can’t be reasoned with. God’s peace and motherly worry arent next door neighbors. They’re sworn enemies and it’s time we take our fears into question instead of demanding everyone take our fears seriously. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">We’ve brought to government floors a conflict belonging behind closed doors, calling ourselves out on our own garbage… Our fear. Every gun rights debate. Fear, “I’m scared they’ll take our rights.” “I’m scared of guns being in the wrong hands.” Two sides, same emotion. Border control, “Dont let them in here they’ll take our jobs, they’ll bring drugs and violence.” What you mean to say is “I’m afraid you’ll disrupt my comfy lifestyle, half price appetizers and challenge what I believe in.” Every mean and heartless thing I’ve said or done, came from a place of fear. And never once was my fear excusable or legitimate. It was always selfish, narcissistic and egotistical. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small"> I grew up in church, literally. I know everything there is about the importance of tithing, but I’m miserable at it. Why? Fear. I’m afraid I’ll run out, or won’t be able to afford the “stuff” I want. Fear puts a budget on our resources. Fear makes us believe love is scarce. That only the impressive ones will get love. Fear makes toilet paper sell out, and and the Holocaust a reality. The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s fear. 1 John 4:18 says There is no fear in love and perfect love drives out fear. Your fear is the darkest thing about you. There’s a reason you hate that one dude at work. He challenges you, he makes you uncomfortable and you hate that about him. He might just be a “you know what” but why is he? He’s scared too. Ever try to scare a grown man? They get angry. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Is anxiety real? Yes? But we’re much to quick to own it as our own. We call it “my axiety.” Is diarrhea real? Of course, but I found far less people ready to call it “my diarrhea”. We treat the poops like something our body is doing and we need to get control of it asap. But if we crap our mental pants we wallow in it and broadcast how everyone should understand and feel bad for us. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Try this out. Every reoccurring thought you have today ask yourself this question. Is this fear or is this love? Is me ghosting you on this text message fear of the conflict I dont want to have or love? Is the next time I pursue my wife, because I love her, or because I’m afraid I don’t get loved enough. Am I eating this cupcake because I love it so much, or I’m afraid I’ll miss out on another hit of sugar induced dopamine? Do I love my job , or am I just afraid to try something different? To choose to live in love vs fear is the Greatest Struggle. And the greatest way to Struggle Well.</span></p>manchildmediatag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:Post/60471252019-12-27T08:12:02-05:002022-05-28T06:38:28-04:00Stop Saying, "I Love You," Go Home, You're Drunk<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/3e8a30aad4118450fea9ddad0a1383783fa4cd83/original/img-5033.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.jpg" class="size_m justify_center border_" /></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Stop saying “I love you,” Go home, you’re drunk. You don’t even know what that means. I worked for a legendary coach and in a team meeting he told us this and I quote. “I don’t love any of you, I like some of you. I love my family, this is a business and we are not family.” Harsh? maybe. Honest? absolutely. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">He wasn’t saying he hated us, he was saying “I know what love costs, and I can only spend that on my family.” I’m not saying that’s right, I’m saying we have to stop throwing the L Word around without realizing what it’s going to cost us. Especially if we are personally bankrupt. Love bears all things. Are you prepared to have really uncomfortable, really honest conversations with me? No? Then don’t say you love me. Love is patient. Are you ready to wait for me to get right, even when I fail you, over and over, and keep coming for me no matter what? If you hesitated, don’t tell me you love me. Love keeps no records of wrong. Are you ready for me to hurt you, forgive me and then do it again? Didnt think so. Don’t miss this here. To say I love you is not a hall pass for the recipient to run you over, but that’s up to them, not you. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">So if we sling the promise of love around, and fail to hold up the standards of the word, we lied. And lies are hate. There is an amendment to the Golden rule in the Gospel of John. Ole Jesus was like, forget about loving each other as yourself. Love like I love you because whatever y’all are doing to yourselves ain’t love. There it is. We can’t bear all things in love for each other, while we lie to ourselves. We can’t be patient with our friends until we get over our own failures. We can’t erase the record of wrongs done to us as long as we feel guilty for our own sins. This isn’t an alter call, and regardless of where you are with God and his existence Proverbs 15:7 is true for the evangelical and the atheist. “What the heart is full of, the mouth speaks.” If you hate you, you cant love me. If you can’t forgive yourself, you wont forgive me. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">This is not a call to limit our love to a select few. Our capacity to love is like distance running. The more you do, the more you can do. And we really are supposed to love everyone. but if we walk every morning and call it running, we’re going to look pretty stupid at the marathon. Let’s commit to loving each other but with the honest perspective we have so far to go, with ourselves, with others. We’re all driving around with the marathon sticker on the bumper, but most of us are standing at the starting line when it comes to real love. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Struggle Well Friends</span></p>manchildmediatag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:Post/60452782019-12-25T10:37:00-05:002023-12-10T12:39:30-05:00Forgiveness Charades, Why We All Play The Sorry Game<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/f8d4f47b1bc08ef180ff1b43554890c75684e3dd/original/img-4888.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.png" class="size_m justify_center border_" /></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="font_small">Do you play forgiveness charades? Us adults may lack childlike imagination but we play plenty of make believe. None more than when we say sorry, and let someone be sorry. To ask forgiveness is to believe you’re wrong, or a least acknowledge you’ve done harm. To forgive is to accept this person’s request to forget what they’ve done to you. And finally to believe you are forgiven is to move on without residual guilt. We suck at all of this. We dont really forgive. We keep score. We dont really feel sorry, we just dont want to have conflict. And if we are remorseful we probably won’t ever stop feeling guilty. It’s all a game, pixie dust. Like signing your name in cursive makes something official. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small"> As a husband are you saying sorry because you are, or because you want to come back to bed? Do you forgive because you’ve erased what’s been done to you, or is it a pocketed strike against them forever. “Sure I forgive you, but the next time, it’s over.” That’s not forgiveness. That’s just good book keeping and human resource policy. So here’s my proposal to make forgiveness real. Go on a sorry strike. Don’t say sorry, don’t forgive until you’ve done some internal investigation. If you can’t get over what’s been done to you, you’ve got some solo recon work to do. Why cant you move on? What are you connecting this to in your past? What’s really going on here between you and this person. It’s got more to do with you than you’d care to admit. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">If you still think you’re right and you’re saying sorry, your wrong. Lock the door and question your heart. Nothing will make sense until you find some personal truth. A rare grown up conversation conversation could go like this. “I really don’t like that I hurt you, but I still believe in what I said, so I cannot apologize for telling you what I believe is the truth.” One of two things will happen. 1. You both will come to an understanding, a deeper relationship and a higher level of self education. 2. YOU won’t be friends anymore. Number 2. Seems like a big one, but the 3rd option, pretending like you both forgive each other is the is the sadder version of number 2. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Disclaimer: This is a hard, painful and nerve fraying experience. Anxiety will beg you not to be authentic. You’ll make a strong case in your head why this isn’t worth it. If you do summit the emotional mountain top, count on 2 things. Your friendships will become more like brotherhood, Your word will mean something, and that’s a big deal </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Struggle Well Friends</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>manchildmediatag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:Post/59848712019-11-29T16:12:32-05:002023-12-10T12:01:39-05:00How To Live A Boring Life<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/cba84cc26ff1642a4b809cbf255f78c886b553b3/original/img-6975.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p><span class="font_small">If you’re life was on netflix would we watch? If you were scrolling over the new releases would you click on your story? In the first 10 minutes of a film, a problem is introduced. Imagine the opening scene, the lead character finds his girlfriend cheated on him. You’re intrigued. “What’s going to happen next?” If the following 85 minutes was him in his sweatpants mumbling “that *&%$# broke my heart,” you’d be slapping menu on the apple remote ASAP. That’s a terrible story. But most of us live like this. The problem, becomes our beginning, middle and end to our story, and it’s tragic. Not good tragic like Macbeth, but tragically boring. The stuff worth watching is what you do next with the problem. What happens next is what we makes us Indiana Jones or a nameless extra. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">We love movies because they make us feel things. We want to believe love can be true, adventure available, and battles worth fighting. But real life? Love seems like a trick, trust a certain trap and empathy for saps. There’s Jason Isbell song called Speed Trap Town. In a line about a high school football game, he describes it a boys last dream and a man’s first loss. As the L’s pile up, men learn at an early age it’s safer to avoid effort than feel failure. It’s the story of the bored and purposeless American. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Life worth watching comes with the acceptance of a few certainties. Heartache is imminent, effort essential and struggle, the tie that binds our hearts together. Your going to get punched in the face, multiple times: don’t excuse yourself from the fight. People will burn you, let you down, lie to your face. Don’t count your self absent from love. Your life experience depends on it. You can point out all the wrongs done to you, and you’d be right. And you’d be miserable. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Christians love to refer to the Bible’s promise of abundant life to validate our desire for a new Chevy Tahoe. What if He meant life is rich, not “I’ll make you rich.” Rich in the way of epic victory, devastating loss, deep friendship, wild places and extraordinary struggle. Maybe abundant life is the collection of stories worth telling at our funeral. Stories we can only write at the risk of getting hurt. Nobody wants to watch a safety instruction video at work. No one wants to hear about how you avoided all hardship and made things really convenient for yourself. One of my greatest memories as a coach was a loss. I was with the Cincinnati Bengals, it was a playoff game with bitter rival the Pittsburgh Steelers. We had the game in hand, I shook hands with soon to be Broncos Head Coach Vance Joseph congratulating him. Then we fumbled, spectacularly unraveled and let the game slip away. The moment was agonizing, brutal and beautiful. Beautiful because we all were forever linked because of what we experienced together. All of us closer, brothers in struggle. Big moments have potential for big pain, but that’s where all the good living hides. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Struggle Well Friends</span></p>manchildmediatag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:Post/59623632019-11-15T21:14:26-05:002020-08-08T11:39:04-04:00Pity The Pitiful<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/3d86862ad8ad9ac7b45c2a347c950adc6aac0b4a/original/img-4615.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.png" class="size_m justify_center border_" /><span class="font_small">Pity is the highest form of descrimination. To excuse someone from the standard is to deem them less human. It’s the slippery slope I see teachers and coaches tumbling down. As more research emerges about the effects of trauma and stress, the more excused, inexcusable behavior has become. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">“If you knew their home life…” Is a really popular phrase right now. First of all, no child should suffer abuse, neglect, trauma. We make bad stuff way worse when we let what happen determine what can happen. To tell a kid they can’t help the way they act, is to tell them what happened cant be overcome. There’s a lot of cruelty and racism out there disguised as acceptance and tolerance. Let’s be honest. Across the board, do we expect the same standard from the wealthy white kid as we do the poor african american. What is the internal story we tell ourselves when we see someone homeless. Do we believe them capable of big ideas, leadership and humanity. Or do we look away, shrug our shoulders and say “that’s sad.” </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">If we all believe the nurturing environment caused the behavior, why can’t nurture change it? We can’t be talking out of both sides of our mouth. We cannot attribute low character to trauma, but also believe new environments cannot set a new course. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">There is nothing hateful about asking a struggling kid to struggle more. Actually it is pure love. When we demand from a kid, what we’re saying is “I believe.” “I believe you are more than your abuse, more than your learning disorder. I don’t care what your excuse is, because I care about you more.” </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">We “help” kids to death because we don’t think their capable. We make things safe because we do not trust them. We remove all responsibility because we believe them to be infrerior. That’s how you love a dog, not a person. I dont think our ancestors are apes but the theory of adaptation is undeniable. The human brain will adapt to the standards we do and do not enforce. One is love. The other looks like love but is something much different. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Struggle Well Friends</span></p>manchildmediatag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:Post/59471812019-11-01T22:39:43-04:002022-05-11T06:44:03-04:00God Does Not Have A Specific Plan For Your Life, And That's A Good Thing<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/90646c972ab6740d4d6c1389c164765e516f1b02/original/img-4522.jpeg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.jpeg" class="size_m justify_left border_" /><span class="font_small">Jesus isn’t taking the wheel, and there is no specific purpose for your life and that’s a great thing. Here’s why, We are Created in God’s image. (Genesis 1:29) If you believe that, lets move to level two. He is God the father. The previous two statements wont find much push back from Christians. Let’s apply a little pythagorean logic to the matter. If He created us in his image, and He is the father then it’s worth noticing our own instincts to parenting. Ask yourself this. Do you have an itemized plan in place for your child’s entire life? Who they will marry, what job they work, where they live? NO YOU DON’T. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">All we want for our kids is to be fully alive. That’s IT! So why do we think God the father wants any different. I heard Donald Miller give a talk and he said “What if God was just sitting at the kitchen table with us while he rolled out some butcher paper and handed us some markers and said “let’s make something together. Much like us, I don’t think God wants specificity from us, as much as he wants to be included. Your mom wants you to have the wedding of your dreams. She’d be flattered if you asked her to help pick out the dress. God the father feels the same way. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Enough with this “I just want to find God’s purpose for my life” nonsense. The love of God is not an algorithm to be unlocked. I’ve paralyzed myself and made things way too complicated trying to force this philosophy on the happenings of real life. We want our pain to have a reason to it. If somehow if we can make sense of it maybe it will hurt less. It won’t and everything does not happen for a reason for our specific life plan. We live in a broken world, and sometimes broken things happen. He gave us the gift of free will. If He stepped in and stopped our bad decisions we wouldn’t really be free to choose. Otherwise he would have stopped eve from biting the apple. Stop telling your friend diagnosed with cancer, everything happens for a reason. Or you’re unemployed buddy that God is testing him. Yes we can learn from terrible things. We can grow from setbacks, but stop saying God did it. He plans no evil. God created a world of free will and it has made our home beautiful and awful. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">So 31 years deep into some really good times and some really dark ones too, Ive come to this conclusion. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">1. Do what lights you up! What do you love to do? Now test that against what we know to be the things that please the Father. If they arent in opposition of each other, go get em mean boy. 2. The things you feel passionate about are a gift to your heart. Find a way to connect what you love to do to the help you can give the people in front of you. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">3. Treat people well, thank God while you do it, and stop being surprised when bad things happen. They will, and great things will also, over and over as long as we are on this side of heaven. Choose the best form of struggle for you and go do it well </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Struggle Well Friends</span></p>manchildmediatag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:Post/59347872019-10-22T09:33:30-04:002019-10-23T22:13:21-04:00Toxic Masculinity | Why Mistreating Women Is part Of A Bigger Story<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/0b87879b648a46b10bc2c774a1dae7414cbca775/original/img-4442.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.jpg" class="size_m justify_left border_" /></p>
<p><span class="font_small"><strong>Masculine Can't Be Toxic </strong></span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Toxic masculinity is an oxymoron. Objectifying women, sexism, gender inequality is anything but masculine. It’s what little boys do. Little boys hit girls, they challenge them to races, and get excited when they beat them in basketball. Like most societal issues, we missed the bigger picture. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Women are casualties of man’s internal war. Show me a man marginalizing women and I’ll show you fear and comparison. I’ll show a man losing his battle to answer his question. John Eldridge, Author of Wild at Heart, talks about every man’s question “Am I enough?” He claims the fall of Adam occurred when he took his question from God and brought it to Eve. In essence, sin is when man tries to answer his heart’s question with someone or something other than God. Ever wondered why we’re so obsessed with sports? It is literally a scored measurement of “how enough” we are. As a college coach I watched grown men, with families attempt to validate their existence on this planet one Saturday at a time. If we won, they were worthy, if we lost, they were inferior as men. With these sort of stakes, Saturday is so much more than football, it’s a frenzy of validation. Every trophy, paycheck, and tender hook up is in pursuit of the answer. “Am I Enough?” </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">The treatment of women is a symptom to the virus, not the virus itself. I love the quote from the movie Legends of the Fall </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">And they live by what they hear. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Such people become crazy, </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">or they become legends .. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">l think it was the bear's voice he heard deep inside him. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Growling low of dark, secret places. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">A man who hasn’t done the work to quiet his question has a bear in him. He’ll destroy everyone and everything in hopes of filling the black hole in his heart. Masculinity, true masculine men have excused themselves from comparison. They’ve allowed God, their father to tell them who they are. They know the answer. Critic aside, there are two types of men in every arena. The one who competes to get his question answered by the result. And the one whose come to display his skills already knowing the answer. I recently did an interview with Navy Seal and CEO of Heroes and Horses Micah Fink. He said, “We are incredibly educated about what everyone else says will make us happy, but we are ignorant of ourselves.” How do we teach us about our own hearts. Micah thinks it’s only possible under great strain and struggle. The struggle is the medium in which we educate our minds about our hearts. You have no idea what’s going on in there until we do something hard enough, we’re forced to go looking. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">A man who knows he’s enough can shift his view of a woman from possible answer to his agony, another meal for the bear, to a role of protector and defender of her heart. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">There is no beauty in our universe like when a woman lets her guard down and shows her true heart. But she can’t do that with predators at her heels. I’m ashamed of how we’ve made women feel on this earth, but I’m hopeful for what we can make for our daughters. We must struggle greatly, and on purpose to put the bear to sleep. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Struggle Well Friends</span></p>manchildmediatag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:Post/59279422019-10-15T21:10:11-04:002019-10-22T09:48:51-04:00Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say: Why Truth Bombs Bring Peace <p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/0441db5c97820a2f94ec8ce145fb883d5d35a7c5/original/img-4378.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_left border_" /></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Say what you mean, what you say: Why Truth Bombs Bring Peace</span></p>
<p><span class="font_small"> My friend Heath Brown has a saying, “anything good is hard and takes all your time.” Maybe that’s why we dress up and water down what we say. To really speak the truth to someone, to actually be honest induces mayhem. The white lie skips us out of conflict we so desperately try to avoid. The truth will set you free but first it will piss everyone off. Lying to each other is just more convenient. Lying to ourselves is way easier than owning our failures. It’s called a truth bomb for a reason. There’s fallout, shrapnel, people get hurt. But like most uncomfortable things, there’s gold on the other side of truth induced trauma. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">I’m in the middle of this war zone right now. My wife and I had some serious truths we needed to drop on each other for a few months now. I’ve stacked up my sandbag bunker in the form of working so hard I can’t think about anything else, her in the form of taking care of the kids and special projects for people capable of being pleasant. It’s easier if we both pretend there isn’t an elephant sleeping in the bed with us, but it’s not living. It’s the starvation of relationship like a goldfish we forgot about from the fair. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">I’ve noticed two ways (so far) that we squirm under the truth. Me: I make up a story that blames someone else and their lack of understanding. My wife: shutdown, call in sick and hope it all blows over. When we both couldn’t take anymore of the cold war, I fired the first shot. It was a glancing blow, I knicked her shoulder. “You are basically my roommate, You couldn’t be less interested in me.” </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Her response: “You are miserable to be around because you refuse to get over being fired.” We both we’re bleeding out, and we both were exactly right. What happened next was purely Corinthian. “Love Bears all Things.” </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">It isn’t until we both shoot each other in the face with honesty that we can get back to loving fully. Every dude idolizes a man of his word and every man hates being vulnerable. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small"> “Why can’t men be men?” My friend Chip Morton often asks me. “Why do we posture and project to protect ourselves from being seen?” Maybe we do all this because we cant have truth without vulnerability. Maybe we fear being exposed more than we value being real. Until the pendulum swings, we’re stuck a discount version of ourselves. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Big living isn’t possible while posing. Loving people isn’t possible without truth. We have to say what we mean and mean what we say. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Struggle Well Friends</span></p>manchildmediatag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:Post/59098112019-09-29T20:12:47-04:002019-10-22T09:50:22-04:00The Hidden Cost of Purpose<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/7d5d8b8051bd8a245dbf138860374962325668d0/original/img-6199.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_left border_" /></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Everything you love was really hard to get. It’s why you love it so much. It cost you, so you protect it. If you lost it, it would crush you. If your wife is the girl of your dreams, you had to chase her. Your child sleeping upstairs right now? You remember how traumatic an event it was to bring him into this world. You saw what it cost your wife.<br>Aside from our children being our flesh and blood, we love them so much because every single aspect of their existence is hard on us. Its hard on our time, our money, our emotions, our patience. Their existence causes us great struggle, and gives our lives great meaning. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small"> I recently came across a program called Heroes and Horses. They help combat veterans overcome crippling PTSD with a very simple method. <br>DO Really Hard Things. Their mission stopped me in my tracks. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">“To start a new, universally-understood conversation around the necessity of struggle, challenge and perseverance as they relate to creating meaning in one's life<br>- without one, you cannot have the other. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">The life and death importance of struggle manifests in life and death itself. Doctors are just now realizing the importance of natural birth vs a C section. They’ve found<br>the stress of going through the birth canal is paramount for a strong immune system. From the very first moments of life, we are demanded to struggle to become strong. <br>For an animal to live it must take the life of another. I don’t know when the last time you had to take the will to live from a creature for your next meal, but it’s not an easy<br>and fast food experience. A frictionless experience is a recipe for a meaningless life. To obtain everything and value nothing. Struggle free living creates an expectation<br>that the things I get and experience should be easy to come by. If it’s hard there must be something wrong, with me or them, something must be wrong. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">You are not bored and sad because you do not have enough, or you do not have your dream job. You are bored and sad because it wasnt hard enough to get.<br>There’s no value attached to excessive ownership. Your sad because your job doesnt challenge you to be the best version of yourself. We were told more property<br>meant more happiness. That was never true. The process to get it was where contentment came. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">When we skip to the front of the line, there’s no worth to weigh against the wait. No wait, no meaning. No meaning, no happiness. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Check in, ask yourself what you are sidestepping? What are you trying to avoid? There is struggle there. There is purpose to be found. The struggle is the tie that<br>binds living creatures and meaning together. It is the essential balance to save us from ourselves. Make no mistake, to engage in struggle is to wage war on our lesser selves. No war is more violent than World WAR ME. But like Napolean said, “What is history but a fable agreed upon?” What we do with struggle , writes the story you<br>believe about yourself.</span></p>manchildmediatag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:Post/58721462019-08-27T19:11:53-04:002019-09-29T20:19:50-04:00Why Your Kid's Not Tough<p> </p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/c22ee8c8170f4fc8195d331c916c54696b11d3e8/original/tough.jpg/!!/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p><br><span class="font_small">A popular thing to say right now is “kids are soft.” No they’re not. Kids didn’t suddenly start arriving on earth differently. <br>You still have to do the same things to make a child. They still take 9 months to cook. Kids didn’t change, parents have.<br><br>Here’s how. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Toughness is understanding that what I’m doing is more important than how I feel. It is solely reliant on your brain's<br>assessment of “is this worth it?” The remote is across the living room. How much do I want to watch tv? I don't want to<br>go to work today. How much do I want my kids to have a place to live? </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Humans do not make themselves uncomfortable without reason. They have to believe it’s worth it. Before you tell your<br>kid to be tough ask yourself if you have given them a reason to be. Kids lack toughness not because they’ve<br>fundamentally changed. They’re soft because we as parents, coaches, teachers and leaders are distracted. It takes time<br>and energy to show our kids why something is worth the trouble. It takes patience to watch them struggle with a challenge.<br>It takes our undivided attention to not give them an easy way out. Why did we change? Because it’s easier. There’s<br>less push back from your kid when you let him or her do whatever they want. Less pushback makes for an easier day<br>for you. Your kid isnt as tough as you think they should be because you aren’t. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small"> Mental weakness is a lack of understood value in being uncomfortable. If we fail to connect the dots of their discomfort<br>to the destinations of their desire, we cannot expect to find resilience and grit on display. We are going about toughness<br>from the wrong end. We want desired behavior without probable cause for it. We want our kids willing to suffer and resilient<br>to bounce back from a setback. But we don't do anything to show them what's worth fighting for. Toughness depends<br>on value. HIgh Value, high sacrifice. Low Value, low sacrifice </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Start here. Find your kid’s heart. What endeavor of substance (not fortnite) does he or she lights up to? What do they<br>want to do without you telling them? What do they initiate on their own? There is value there for them. Now connect<br>struggles they want to avoid the thing they value. Show them the struggle is the GPS system to what they want. Your kids<br>wants ice cream. Your kid is shy. Make your kid order the ice cream. If they want ice cream more than they dont want to<br>talk to strangers, they’ll do it. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">That little task is something psychologists call guided pain mastery experience. Small challenges demanding us to<br>encounter things we don’t believe we are capable of. These brief consistent encounters slide experiences from the<br>uncomfortable to the competent. This is how skill sets are built. Struggles, edured via the use of toughness. This is not<br>possible without VALUE understood. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Communicate how this discomfort gets them what they want. If your kid runs his sprints hard at soccer because you’re<br>screaming at him, it’s not because he wants to be a great soccer player, he’s just avoiding conflict with you. As soon<br>as you are removed from the equation your kid will be loafing. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Toughness Takeaway: Start with Value, connect value to avoided struggle. Don't Bail them out. No matter what, no<br>bail out. They want it, they do what’s necessary to get it. NO WORK NO PAY. Their brain WILL Adapt. The beauty in<br>struggle is realizing we need it. When you and your child recieve the gift of struggle.. You both are tough. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">That… Is Struggling Well</span></p>manchildmediatag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:Post/58521092019-08-08T20:37:42-04:002019-08-08T20:54:13-04:00Hard's Not Wrong<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/f59d80eea4131545bc42f4b87620e3ed43c20bdb/original/img-3585.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.png" class="size_m justify_left border_" /></p>
<p>The way we think doesn’t get shaped overnight. It comes from years of experiences. Then the strories we tell ourselves about those experience. Those stories build a belief system that suggests to us, this is how the world works. Let’s pause for a moment and think about how important and dangerous this trait of ours is. One part of the world looks at a crop damaging storm as a combination of cold fronts slamming into hot air, while another group of people are convinced the gods have cursed them and child sacrifice is the only way to make the wheat grow again. </p>
<p>Ten years of observing athletes at every level I’ve come to this conclusion. How they think is their biggest skill set. The way they receive information exposed to them. I believe the meaning they place to what’s happening to them is the agent to all of their behavior. Let me explain what I mean. </p>
<p>It was my first year as a head strength coach and I thought I was God’s gift to strength and conditioning. We did all the cool kid stuff, appropriate demand, undulating programing, readiness questionnaires, rate of perceived exertion, the whole shebang a “great” coach does. We were strong, lean and could run for days. I did my job right? I couldn’t wait to tell everyone how smart I was. </p>
<p>That season we went on to get our heads kicked in for 12 weeks. I watched “tough” guys quit, “Great kids” refuse to practice. Apathy blanketed the organization and it physically hurt to come in to work every day just a couple months removed from the “best offseason of training ever.” We didn’t have a physical issue, or a lack of talent, we had a mindset epidemic. The way our team viewed the world was poisonous, especially for the adversity that was to come like a flash flood no one forecasted. Like the upside down in Hawkins Indiana (Stranger Things reference) it had been building for years right under our nose and no one knew it existed. Three seasons of 10 plus wins a year payed for by uperclassmen who had since moved on started to shape a certain way of thinking. Winning was easy because we were better than everyone and that’s just what we do. The prior experiences shaped the younger players born into all the winning into believing “if you’re really good at something, results come easy.” It’s the perfect recipe for getting punched in the mouth and blaming God for your misery when real competition shows up. The players where like the grandsons to a fortune five hundred company. Accustomed to the wealth but ignorant to the struggle that paid for it all. I had failed to show them who paid, and how much it cost. My first real lesson as a coach was clear, hard aint wrong and easy isn’t right. People need to struggle and they need guided feedback of why they struggled. When people experience improvement through struggle they start to respect the strain. The more they respect the process it took to get there, the more value they perceive in the result. It’s why construction contractors don’t BS other construction contractors. The real ones know what it costs to get the job done. And little haggling has to take place or price. But someone naive to the blood sweat and tears paid for the results at hand, finds it difficult to understand why it’s so expensive. </p>
<p>Angela Duckworth, bestselling author and the world’s leading researcher in GRIT atPenn University told me our brains turn off or on based on our experiences with pain at an early age. In a way too short synopsis of the research, the gist of it is this. Kids exposed to “random acts of mental violence,” extreme poverty, verbal and physical abuse start to take a certain view of the world. They start to believe the world is a cold, hateful place and they might as well get what they can from people before they get them. The pain experiences can be so potent that parts of the brain responsible for pain shut down as a defense mechanism, (emotional shock if you will).. Consequently that part of the brain is also responsible for feeling empathy and compassion for others. In just a few years of adolescence we have the perfect recipe for creating cut throats, Pirates that only care about themselves, because survival is their only interest. How as coaches, or teachers or pastors do we help people that are only interested in survival, care about things like empathy for others, and a strong work ethic. </p>
<p>It seems counterintuitive, but the answer, more strain, more discomfort. To take a human whose experienced this much trauma and take them through more strain seems almost cruel. Let me explain, Duckworth went on to describe a term known as pain mastery experiences. Pain and discomfort itself are not the damagers to the brain. It was the painful event’s randomness and the child’s perceived lack of control over the event that caused the neurological event. </p>
<p>We have take people through small consistent encounters with discomfort. Ones where they are always the master of their own fate. They can stop or prolong their discomfort with their actions. Slowly over time, the brain begins to rewire the circuits into a belief system that they are in control. I’ve witnessed this beautiful paradigm shift. I’ve witnessed kids become more resilient because they believed they are in the drivers seat. They make things happen, things dont happen to them. The transaction of their lives is no longer contingent on what people might do to them so they are much more likely to allow themselves to trust one another. If you can take away one thing let it be this. Pain and discomfort are not the enemies of happiness and love, they are the compass to them when applied with expertise. In the next article we will go in depth as to just what that looks like and how to be the guide to make your child, students and athletes the hero again.</p>manchildmediatag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:Post/58081422019-06-28T22:51:42-04:002022-03-20T20:53:12-04:00Compared To What? <p> </p>
<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/593f50702f3c4ae0ae6eaa1f7d74ca638bd0fb0a/original/img-3211.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_left border_" />Have you ever had your dream come true? Then turn into a nightmare. Has your biggest fear ever become a reality. All of this is a very recent and very real experience for me. Long, long story short is this. I got my dream job, things got very complicated, I made mistakes, others made mistakes, and now I don’t work at my dream job anymore. Traumatic? yes. Disappointing? An understatement. The worst of all of it though if I am being very honest. The anxious notion of being a failure. As a rehabilitating people pleaser, and affirmation addict, the thought of people thinking I’m a failure haunts me to the point of paranoia. </p>
<p>I have a hunch where all my new found grief grows. Like mold in a damp basement it festers in comparing myself about everything to everyone all the time. In another article I’ll have to explain the origins of my need to be impressive. For now lets just say my job was always my ace in the hole. All I had to do was drop the line I worked in major college football or the NFL and boom, I was impressive. I felt good about myself. Sean Webb wrote a book called Mind Hacking Happiness. He reports the brain makes sense of the world through a lens of the self in relation to the environment and what’s happening. Everything that happens, the brain must decide what this means to the self. Happiness therefore is the simple equation of: OUTCOME - EXPECTATIONS = LEVEL OF HAPPINESS </p>
<p>Let that sink in, all events filter through the brain applying meaning in comparison to the brain’s expectations. How this event stacks up to our expectations decides what emotion the self should feel. Exceed expectations? Feel happy and proud. Fail to meet expectations? Feel angry and defeated. </p>
<p>Neuroscientists documented that most brain activity is spent on predicting the future, so it can choose an action to take. Now, put that brain in 2019. A place where every other brain it meets constantly reports how well things are going for it by showing that brain a picture of their brain’s feet next to the ocean. Or how much weight their brain’s body lost. Or how much money their brain’s body’s job got them and they were able to buy a boat or whatever. </p>
<p>Our brains are taking all this information and using as data to form an expectation to feel what it wants to feel. I want to be happy. I need my feet by the ocean, I need a big truck with a back up camera, I need to be tan and have those v cut things that go down towards my crotch. Now predict the future. “What if I don’t get to the beach? What if I can’t afford it? Why can’t I make enough money? Am I not smart enough? If I worked hard I could look like that with my shirt off, but I guess I’m just a lazy turd.” The thought pattern slams into the created expectations like a cold front in the Ohio Valley and the elicited emotional response… Anxiety, life altering, paralyzing anxiety. Sure we can go for a walk, or take hot yoga, all proven to reduce anxiety. But it’s merely ibuprofen for the infection. We need antibiotics, we need an understanding of how our brain works, and a paradigm shift in where we find our value </p>
<p>I love to coach. There’s nothing wrong with that. My worth dependent on the logo on my shirt and the conference of my team, is. Galations 6:4 says “don’t compare yourself to others, just look at your own work and see if there is anything to be proud of.” Scripture isn’t written to give us more rules to follow. The verse knows that comparison is the thief of joy. The gravity of the whole exchange zig zags and effects more than us. Our children absorb the emotions we radiate. They’re learning coping mechanisms by watching us cope. If we want to give our children a healthy way of living, we have to start with what we are comparing ourselves with, what we think happy is, and what we think we should be doing. So I’m working on the hard stuff. I’m struggling and not always well. This chapter has been anything but impressive to anyone. And that’s okay. Malcolm Gladwell recently said in his podcast Revisionist History, “The easiest thing in the world is to look at our mistakes and condemn. The much harder thing is to look at those mistakes and understand. Mistakes reveal our vulnerabilities, they are the way the world understands us, they make our performances real.” Lets scoop each other up when we fall on our face. Lets tell them how great they looked the moment they were flying before they hit their face. Because in that moment, they looked like themself.</p>manchildmediatag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:Post/58081292019-06-28T22:41:48-04:002022-05-16T06:57:15-04:00YOUR INTENTIONS MEAN NOTHING, FOLLOW THRU IS EVERYTHING<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/98de3fc04904b69a33a3cb24caf228b3fcf58e57/original/img-4224.jpg/!!/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>“Keep both hands on the bat and swing through!” My sons little league coach preached. “you’re timing is good, you’re contact is good but you stopped swinging and the ball isn’t going any where.” While I watched Jay wrestle with all the stimuli, the pitch, the instruction, the fact that I’m watching, a realization struck me right in the chest. </p>
<p>Follow through is really the only thing we are impressed by. Odds are you’ve had a good idea. Whether it was a concept for a business, an invention or a good date night, a light bulb has flickered once or twice in your life. Even greater odds are that you probably didn’t do anything with it… You didn’t follow through. The vision you had remained theoretical, suspended in space, rather than a reality you can touch and experience. The lack of follow through is what gives dreamers a bad name. People can only handle so much disappointment and there is plenty to go around. Our lack of follow through makes it easy to dismiss much of what we say to each other. “Let’s get together,” is more of a kind gesture then an invitation to actually spend time with each other. </p>
<p>The rare occasion when someone does what they say they is almost unnerving. It sticks in our memory. They become almost a hero to us. Self doubt turns into manifested destiny when we fail to follow through. Failure to follow through affirms our suspicions that we “just aren’t good at talking to people.” Or “I suck at measurements,” when we try to build something ourselves. This entitled way of thinking is the easy way out. We love to attribute impressive performance with an anointment of “talent.” “That’s just God given speed,” or “he’s a natural,” are statements aimed at giving ourselves a free pass. I believe we are bent in certain directions that make our skill development faster in some areas than others. But I refuse to believe God sprinkles good hitter dust on someone and not the other, given they both possess the same hand eye coordination and raw physical ability. When we chalk a great performance up to someone’s mystical talent, we rob them of their due credit. We choose to ignore excruciating practice in empty arenas to acquire this “talent.” It’s more pleasant to believe someone is better than me at something because God wants them to be and not because they worked harder than me. Not because they struggled more than me. </p>
<p>We all fall into Follow Through Canyon. We get an idea, we get really jacked up and can see the shiny finished product glowing in our head. Then there’s the space between concept and process. The land of struggle. The space where excitement and energy slam into confusion and lack of result. Follow through is the only thing keeping us from panhandling on the boulevard of broken dreams. </p>
<p>Edison remains right, “vision without execution is hallucination.” Execution despite how weird it gets is follow through. Follow through is interesting. Follow through sells out stadiums. So how do we do it? Just like growing a tree, prune your intentions. . Meaning well means nothing to doing things well. Most of us aren’t maniacal when we let people down. We promise too much, and consider struggle too little. Follow through is directly linked to a concentrated effort. Narrow your focus on one thing and the process that make the completion of that one thing possible. If you want to do it, you have to want to do it more than any other thing at that point in your life. </p>
<p>Have one simple filter you put decisions through. Will the finish be worth the race? I will remember whatever I have the strongest emotional reaction to. Will the endorphin rush of blessing someone, over ride the suckiness of having less money? If this balance doesn’t weigh out in the outcome’s favor, then the venture loses its value. The filter is essential. Other wise you stand no chance against struggle without it. Choose worthy of your effort. When value is clear, you strike a deal with struggle. You become aware of all the emotions on the table. There will be excitement. There will be dread. There will be joy at the finish line or regret at the midpoint. The emotions that mean the most will determine your idea’s fate. Choose wisely. Our character connected to our follow through. Children dream, and we should never stop dreaming, Men finish what they started. We need both sides of ourselves to create and finish. We have to be a Manchild.</p>manchildmediatag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:Post/58081282019-06-28T22:39:37-04:002019-06-28T23:04:57-04:00Killer Comfort<p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/b4595777093831ffccf3d33e6f9610fea936578d/original/img-2444.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.jpg" class="size_l justify_left border_" /></p>
<p>Let’s face it, convenience is our most prized possession. It consumes our every thought, decision, and path we take. Living things share the survival mechanism of saving energy to conserve calories so life can sustain. Obviously a vital skill when we were killing everything we ate, building our shelter and shepherding the beasts that feed and clothe us. We’ve done things that way longer than we haven’t. We’ve only recently needed memberships to planet fitness so we don’t eat our heart into failure. We’ve made things so easy on ourselves it’s killing us. We’ve made things so convenient we don’t struggle enough to sustain life in our natural state. </p>
<p>We need artificial forms of resistance, in climate controlled venues, with noise canceling listening devices so we can continue to drive thru and consume meat and bread at lightning speeds so we can get to our exhibitions of comparing our offspring faster. </p>
<p>In Sam Quinones Dream Land, The Tale of America’s Opiate Epidemic he reports it’s no coincidence the rise of the heroin crisis coincided with America’s obsession with excess. “The morphine molecule exerts an analogous brainwashing on humans, pushing them to act contrary to their self interests in pursuit of the molecule. Addicts betray loved ones, steal, live under freeways in harsh weather and run similarly horrific risks to use the molecule.” (The Molecule, Dream Land). This haunting insight makes way too much sense. Quinones goes on to say America’s excess of “good stuff” is the very trait that contaminated it. </p>
<p>Our brains demand more of what makes it comfortable. All good when the majority of stimuli available only offer hardship and strain, ie. The western frontier in the 19th century. But fast forward to a time where to look someone in the face and say what we mean, or just send a text so we don’t have to deal with social discomfort is a real daily choice. Where else is there to go from here but the molecule that promises permanent pleasure. We’ve been told things shouldn’t be hard, and we said Amen. It’s easy to judge the junky on the street. But what would we see if we looked in the mirror. Do we realize the pacifier in our pockets called smart phones and and our obsession with being entertained is killing us. Do we realize every time we let that uncomfortable but essential conversation with our spouse give way to silence and scrolling, we slice another relational artery wide open to bleed out. That moment when our little leaguers check to see if we ‘saw that catch,” and find we were nose deep in a facebook battle, do we realize we have left his crave for affirmation go malnourished. No bother, he’ll just be looking for it everywhere, with everyone for the rest of his life. </p>
<p>Did people have time to question their worth when they were making, hunting, building everything they have. I am not the authority in this domain. Maybe these issues just went undiagnosed. Maybe fear, and anxiety have always been there, we just dealt with them differently. To be scared didn’t mean we shouldn’t, it was just a catalyst that made us more aware and improved our performance. </p>
<p>Our chemical way of processing struggle and effort has not changed. Our options to endure such struggles have. It was when the ratio of healthy toil and healthy fear got out of whack, we got fat, sad and bored. Is there a remedy to any of this or are we all destined for motorized chairs and straws pumping liquid food into our swollen bodies like that scene in WalE. Deep stuff Disney. At Manchild we believe the solution starts with struggling on purpose. Put your self in natural states of strain. What does that mean? Physically put yourself in situations that make your brain fire in ancient ways. Pursue physical labor. Socially, pursue deep relationships. The kind where it’s safe to say more than surface superficial responses. The kind of relationships that can weather a tough conversation, a strong disagreement or a differing point of view. Mentally make yourself lock in. Daniel Kahneman won the Nobel Peace Price for behavioral economics because he discovered, people try to create mental shortcuts to save brain power. The problem is, much of those short cuts lack perspective, empathy and compassion. Why? Because it’s easier. It takes more energy to realize the plight of someone else and be moved enough to do something about it. It’s more convenient to distract ourselves. Like drowning a squeaky car belt out with the radio, we bury our heads in ballgames and chain restaurants to avoid seeing the pain of our neighbor </p>
<p>To create something demanding deep thought and focus are portals to the version of man God created, the one in His own image. Look at your choices today, and ask yourself why you want it that way. If the answer is because it’s easier and not because it’s right, you’re killing yourself.</p>manchildmediatag:themanchildmedia.com,2005:Post/58081272019-06-28T22:33:42-04:002022-03-07T04:52:19-05:00What Is Manchild? <p><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/368843/bbec57f560e342e7508300a04e7d6b64cefdfe9f/original/38437979-10101879760488351-6715876649486778368-o.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.jpg" class="size_m justify_left border_" /></p>
<p>Why does Manchild exist? The last thing any of us need is another reason to stare at screens to distract ourselves from our lives we aren’t happy with. We started Manchild on a hunch. Maybe there are a bunch of folk out there feeling the same way we do. When we were kids we woke up and knew exactly what we wanted to be. When it was time to play cowboys and Indians, there was no doubt I was Wyatt Earp. I didn’t need anyone to approve of it, I didn’t need all the information or a great plan, I just grabbed my cap gun, my chaps and hat and it was go time. At some point I felt the need to be qualified, or approved of to do the things I daydreamed about when I was a kid. I loved the idea of being on the open water and chasing down big fish, but somehow those visions of grandeur turned into the internal conversation of “what do you know about boats?, You can’t even tie a palomar knot. “ We make these assessments and slowly agree we are disqualified to do the things we love and too afraid to ask how to move closer to them. </p>
<p>Is there a bigger tragedy in the story of modern man? We psyche ourselves out from becoming, doing, experiencing the stuff we knew we were in the backyard. We convinced ourselves, that’s what being a man is; to take the deal offering the most security, the most convenience and the highest percentage chance to end up with a home theater system. By the way, a man cave is just a place to go hide from the things challenging us, but that’s a whole other discussion. Those little deals we’ve made along the way are killing us from the inside out. The only things I regret are the things I didn’t try to do. When those types of regrets pile up, the sicker we become, ill to the point we no longer have the confidence to express ourselves to our wives, our children, our friends. We slowly slip into a molten shed of ourselves and the big ideas and dreams we had. Whether you believe in Jesus or not it’s hard not to admire one of the central themes of his teachings. He constantly challenged everyone around Him to simultaneously be children, and to man up. Be humble and run to Him like a child, and face all your fears and excuses like a man. I heard a quote credited to St. Irenaeus stating “the glory of God is man fully alive.” What a compelling thought. The thing God delights in the most, and He has a lot to choose from, is us firing on all cylinders, Us fearless and creative, bold and interesting, romantic and dangerous. This is who we were created to be, but we aren’t living it. Not even close. </p>
<p>We pursue our wives, fiancés and girlfriends like 13 year olds, we gossip like cheerleaders instead of confronting each other, we watch shows of dudes doing things we love instead of doing them. We are too arrogant to ask the right questions to improve the pursuits we love. Manly yet infantile in all the wrong ways. Manchild exists to ask you a question. What would you do if you weren’t afraid to struggle? Manchild exists to guide you through the space between big dreams and thick drudgery. The best stuff comes from the toughest seasons of life. We call it Struggling Well. Let’s quit pretending and expose the amateurism in all of us and celebrate it. Let’s struggle on purpose, theirs big living on the other side of it.</p>manchildmedia