<turbo-stream action="update" target="blog_feature_274930"><template>
    
<div class="blog-wrapper" id="blog_153741-wrapper">
  <div class="blog full clearfix" id="blog_153741-blog">
      <div class="tiled-sizer"></div>
      <div class="gutter-sizer"></div>

      <article class="post blog-article full-item post-full" data-controller="zoogle-video" data-action="message@window-&gt;zoogle-video#handleVimeoPostMessage">
    
<h2 class="heading-secondary heading-blog alt-font">
  <a href="/read/blog/6045278/stop-saying-i-love-you-go-home-you-re-drunk">Forgiveness Charades, Why We All Play The Sorry Game</a>&nbsp;
</h2>

<div class="post">
  <div class="message"><p><img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/368843/f8d4f47b1bc08ef180ff1b43554890c75684e3dd/original/img-4888.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.png" class="size_m justify_center border_" /></p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="font_small">Do you play forgiveness charades?  Us adults may lack childlike imagination but we play plenty of make believe.  None more than when we say sorry, and let someone be sorry. To ask forgiveness is to believe you’re wrong, or a least acknowledge you’ve done harm.  To forgive is to accept this person’s request to forget what they’ve done to you. And finally to believe you are forgiven is to move on without residual guilt.  We suck at all of this. We dont really forgive. We keep score. We dont really feel sorry, we just dont want to have conflict. And if we are remorseful we probably won’t ever stop feeling guilty.  It’s all a game, pixie dust. Like signing your name in cursive makes something official. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small"> As a husband are you saying sorry because you are, or because you want to come back to bed? Do you forgive because you’ve erased what’s been done to you, or is it a pocketed strike against them forever.  “Sure I forgive you, but the next time, it’s over.” That’s not forgiveness. That’s just good book keeping and human resource policy. So here’s my proposal to make forgiveness real. Go on a sorry strike.  Don’t say sorry, don’t forgive until you’ve done some internal investigation. If you can’t get over what’s been done to you, you’ve got some solo recon work to do. Why cant you move on? What are you connecting this to in your past?  What’s really going on here between you and this person. It’s got more to do with you than you’d care to admit. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">If you still think you’re right and you’re saying sorry, your wrong.  Lock the door and question your heart. Nothing will make sense until you find some personal truth.  A rare grown up conversation conversation could go like this. “I really don’t like that I hurt you, but I still believe in what I said, so I cannot apologize for telling you what I believe is the truth.”  One of two things will happen. 1. You both will come to an understanding, a deeper relationship and a higher level of self education. 2. YOU won’t be friends anymore. Number 2. Seems like a big one, but the 3rd option, pretending like you both forgive each other is the is the sadder version of number 2. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Disclaimer:  This is a hard, painful and nerve fraying  experience. Anxiety will beg you not to be authentic.  You’ll make a strong case in your head why this isn’t worth it.  If you do summit the emotional mountain top, count on 2 things. Your friendships will become more like brotherhood, Your word will mean something,  and that’s a big deal </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Struggle Well Friends</span></p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p></div>
</div>


<footer class="meta blog-footer clearfix">
    <p class="post-info"><span data-time="2019-12-25T10:37:00-05:00" title="December 25, 2019 10:37">12/25/2019</span></p>

  <ul class="blog-actions pdf__hide">
    <li class="comment-count"><a title="3 comments" class="comment-link button button-secondary" href="/read/blog/stop-saying-i-love-you-go-home-you-re-drunk#comments">3 comments</a></li>
      <li><div data-controller="share-dialog" data-share-dialog-url-value="https://themanchildmedia.com/blogs/read/posts/6045278/stop-saying-i-love-you-go-home-you-re-drunk" data-share-dialog-title-value="Forgiveness Charades, Why We All Play The Sorry Game" data-share-dialog-text-value="" data-share-dialog-fb-app-id-value="286076425227">
  <a class="button button-tertiary zoogle-share pdf__hide" title="Share Forgiveness Charades, Why We All Play The Sorry Game" data-action="click-&gt;share-dialog#open" href="javascript:void(0)">
    <i class="icon-share"></i>Share
</a>
  <dialog data-share-dialog-target="dialog" data-action="click->share-dialog#clickOutside" class="dialog dialog-share style-section-style-1">
    <button class="dialog-close" data-action="click-&gt;share-dialog#close" aria-label="close">
      <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 11 11" class="icon" width="12px" height="12px"><path d="M6.755 5.502l3.836 3.97-1.438 1.39-3.81-3.942-3.926 3.942L0 9.452 3.953 5.48 0 1.39 1.438 0l3.927 4.064L9.41 0l1.417 1.411-4.073 4.091z" fill-rule="evenodd"></path></svg>
</button>    <div class="share_desc">
      <div>
        <span data-share-dialog-target="title">Forgiveness Charades, Why We All Play The Sorry Game</span>
        <br>
        <span class="byline" data-share-dialog-target="byline">
        </span>
      </div>
    </div>

    <ul class="share_icons">
      <li class="threads">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="threadsLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="550" data-popup-window-height-value="357" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 36 36" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M36 18C36 8.05887 27.9411 0 18 0C8.05887 0 0 8.05887 0 18C0 27.9411 8.05887 36 18 36C27.9411 36 36 27.9411 36 18ZM23.7524 16.9806C23.8587 17.0263 23.9638 17.074 24.0671 17.1235C25.5284 17.8245 26.597 18.8859 27.1575 20.1926C27.9387 22.0149 28.0101 24.9832 25.6397 27.3514C23.828 29.1615 21.6287 29.9784 18.5087 30H18.4946C14.9852 29.9757 12.2865 28.7948 10.4735 26.4901C8.86024 24.4393 8.02805 21.5855 8.00009 18.0084L8 18L8.00009 17.9916C8.02805 14.4145 8.86024 11.5608 10.4735 9.50991C12.2865 7.20522 14.9852 6.02431 18.4946 6H18.5087C22.0252 6.02439 24.7545 7.20084 26.6206 9.49675C27.5414 10.6295 28.218 11.9953 28.648 13.5803L26.6296 14.1188C26.2749 12.8311 25.7368 11.7267 25.023 10.8485C23.5674 9.05767 21.3735 8.13891 18.5016 8.11756C15.6505 8.13875 13.4942 9.05311 12.0923 10.8353C10.7794 12.5042 10.101 14.9147 10.0757 18C10.101 21.0853 10.7794 23.4958 12.0923 25.1646C13.4942 26.9469 15.6505 27.8612 18.5017 27.8824C21.072 27.8635 22.7728 27.252 24.1876 25.8385C25.8025 24.225 25.7724 22.2459 25.2559 21.0415C24.9521 20.333 24.4021 19.7436 23.66 19.2957C23.4792 20.6429 23.0699 21.712 22.4226 22.537C21.5704 23.6234 20.3487 24.2175 18.7915 24.3029C17.6124 24.3673 16.4778 24.0829 15.5969 23.5014C14.555 22.8135 13.9452 21.7605 13.8799 20.5365C13.7514 18.1235 15.6656 16.3869 18.6431 16.2154C19.7001 16.1548 20.6889 16.2026 21.6031 16.358C21.4818 15.6156 21.2366 15.0274 20.8701 14.6018C20.3665 14.0171 19.5884 13.7173 18.5572 13.7107L18.5286 13.7106C17.7006 13.7106 16.5765 13.9423 15.8601 15.0291L14.1378 13.8476C15.0966 12.3926 16.6546 11.593 18.5278 11.593L18.5702 11.5931C21.702 11.6131 23.5671 13.5673 23.7524 16.9806ZM15.9524 20.4215C16.0193 21.6761 17.3751 22.2619 18.6801 22.1884C19.9578 22.1182 21.408 21.6169 21.6553 18.5291C20.9924 18.3842 20.2633 18.3085 19.4839 18.3085C19.247 18.3085 19.0059 18.3154 18.7602 18.3296C16.6145 18.4533 15.9029 19.4913 15.9524 20.4215Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="facebook">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="facebookLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="550" data-popup-window-height-value="357" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 18 18" class="icon"><path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M9 0a9 9 0 110 18A9 9 0 019 0zm2.606 4H10.24c-1.575 0-2.17.77-2.215 2.076l-.002.166v1.034H7V9h1.023V14h2.046V9h1.365l.181-1.724H10.07l.003-.862c0-.417.036-.655.553-.687l.128-.003h.853V4z"></path></svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="twitter">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="twitterLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="685" data-popup-window-height-value="246" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 36 36" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M36 18C36 8.05887 27.9411 0 18 0C8.05887 0 0 8.05887 0 18C0 27.9411 8.05887 36 18 36C27.9411 36 36 27.9411 36 18ZM26.4163 9L19.7142 16.6226L27.0001 27H21.6396L16.7316 20.0104L10.5876 27H9L16.0278 19.0075L9 9H14.3604L19.0068 15.6173L24.8287 9H26.4163ZM13.5996 10.1714H11.1606L22.3878 25.8861H24.8275L13.5996 10.1714Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="email">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="emailLink" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 18 18" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" clip-rule="evenodd" d="M18 9C18 4.02944 13.9706 0 9 0C4.02944 0 0 4.02944 0 9C0 13.9706 4.02944 18 9 18C13.9706 18 18 13.9706 18 9ZM4.02511 5.73566C4.00872 5.77691 4.00004 5.82153 4.00004 5.86854L4 12.1317C4 12.1897 4.0135 12.2449 4.03762 12.2938C4.04581 12.2775 4.05691 12.2621 4.07041 12.2482L7.39793 8.87439L4.0772 5.81961C4.05116 5.79611 4.0338 5.76684 4.02511 5.73566ZM4.34327 12.4991L4.34195 12.499L7.67 9.12427L8.60412 9.98343C8.86598 10.2242 9.26962 10.2228 9.52956 9.98007L10.4564 9.11563L13.768 12.4736C13.7251 12.4904 13.6783 12.5 13.6296 12.5H4.3704C4.3612 12.5 4.35243 12.4996 4.34327 12.4991ZM13.9971 12.1795L10.727 8.86376L13.9913 5.81857C13.9932 5.81713 13.9947 5.81569 13.9961 5.81425C13.9986 5.832 14 5.85023 14 5.86846V12.1315C14 12.1478 13.999 12.1637 13.9971 12.1795ZM13.7686 5.52686C13.7257 5.50959 13.6789 5.5 13.6297 5.5L4.37041 5.50006C4.33617 5.50006 4.30338 5.50486 4.27155 5.5135C4.29229 5.52117 4.31158 5.53316 4.32846 5.549L8.85585 9.71283C8.97448 9.8222 9.15822 9.82172 9.27637 9.71139L13.7382 5.54989C13.7479 5.54077 13.758 5.5331 13.7686 5.52686Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

    </ul>
    <div class="permalink" data-controller="clipboard">
      <p>Share link</p>
      <div class="control -has-addons">
        <input type="text" value="https://themanchildmedia.com/blogs/read/posts/6045278/stop-saying-i-love-you-go-home-you-re-drunk" data-clipboard-target="source" data-share-dialog-target="urlInput" data-action="click->share-dialog#selectUrl" readonly="true">
        <span class="control__suffix">
          <a class="button -simple -compact -icon-only" data-clipboard-target="button" data-action="clipboard#copy">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 16 16" class="icon" width="16px" height="18px"><path d="M4.166.597c-.184 0-.369.15-.369.342v1.365c0 .191.185.341.369.341h9.189v9.216c0 .191.15.342.341.342h1.365c.191 0 .342-.15.342-.342V.94a.338.338 0 00-.342-.342H4.166zm7.44 3.798H.34A.338.338 0 000 4.736v10.923c0 .19.15.341.341.341h10.923c.191 0 .341-.15.341-.341V4.395z" fill-rule="evenodd"></path></svg>
          </a>
        </span>
      </div>
    </div>
  </dialog>
</div></li>
  </ul>

  <p class="post-info"></p>
</footer>


</article>  <article class="post blog-article full-item post-full" data-controller="zoogle-video" data-action="message@window-&gt;zoogle-video#handleVimeoPostMessage">
    
<h2 class="heading-secondary heading-blog alt-font">
  <a href="/read/blog/5984871/how-to-live-a-boring-life">How To Live A Boring Life</a>&nbsp;
</h2>

<div class="post">
  <div class="message"><p><img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/368843/cba84cc26ff1642a4b809cbf255f78c886b553b3/original/img-6975.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p><span class="font_small">If you’re life was on netflix would we watch? If you were scrolling over the new releases would you click on your story?   In the first 10 minutes of a film, a problem is introduced. Imagine the opening scene, the lead character finds his girlfriend cheated on him.  You’re intrigued. “What’s going to happen next?” If the following 85 minutes was him in his sweatpants mumbling “that *&amp;%$# broke my heart,” you’d be slapping menu on the apple remote ASAP. That’s a terrible story.  But most of us live like this. The problem, becomes our beginning, middle and end to our story, and it’s tragic. Not good tragic like Macbeth, but tragically boring. The stuff worth watching is what you do next with the problem.  What happens next is what we makes us Indiana Jones or a nameless extra. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">We love movies because they make us feel things. We want to believe love can be true, adventure available, and battles worth fighting.  But real life?   Love seems like a trick, trust a certain trap and empathy for saps.  There’s Jason Isbell song called Speed Trap Town. In a line about a high school football game, he describes it a boys last dream and a man’s first loss.  As the L’s pile up, men learn at an early age it’s safer to avoid effort than feel failure. It’s the story of the bored and purposeless American. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Life worth watching comes with the acceptance of a few certainties.  Heartache is imminent, effort essential and struggle, the tie that binds our hearts together.   Your going to get punched in the face, multiple times: don’t excuse yourself from the fight.  People will burn you, let you down, lie to your face. Don’t count your self absent from love.  Your life experience depends on it. You can point out all the wrongs done to you, and you’d be right.  And you’d be miserable. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Christians love to refer to the Bible’s promise of abundant life to validate our desire for a new Chevy Tahoe.  What if He meant life is rich, not “I’ll make you rich.” Rich in the way of epic victory, devastating loss, deep friendship, wild places and extraordinary struggle.  Maybe abundant life is the collection of stories worth telling at our funeral. Stories we can only write at the risk of getting hurt. Nobody wants to watch a safety instruction video at work.  No one wants to hear about how you avoided all hardship and made things really convenient for yourself. One of my greatest memories as a coach was a loss. I was with the Cincinnati Bengals, it was a playoff game with bitter rival the Pittsburgh Steelers.  We had the game in hand, I shook hands with soon to be Broncos Head Coach Vance Joseph congratulating him. Then we fumbled, spectacularly unraveled and let the game slip away. The moment was agonizing, brutal and beautiful. Beautiful because we all were forever linked because of what we experienced together.  All of us closer, brothers in struggle. Big moments have potential for big pain, but that’s where all the good living hides. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Struggle Well Friends</span></p></div>
</div>


<footer class="meta blog-footer clearfix">
    <p class="post-info"><span data-time="2019-11-29T16:12:32-05:00" title="November 29, 2019 16:12">11/29/2019</span></p>

  <ul class="blog-actions pdf__hide">
    <li class="comment-count"><a title="3 comments" class="comment-link button button-secondary" href="/read/blog/how-to-live-a-boring-life#comments">3 comments</a></li>
      <li><div data-controller="share-dialog" data-share-dialog-url-value="https://themanchildmedia.com/blogs/read/posts/5984871/how-to-live-a-boring-life" data-share-dialog-title-value="How To Live A Boring Life" data-share-dialog-text-value="" data-share-dialog-fb-app-id-value="286076425227">
  <a class="button button-tertiary zoogle-share pdf__hide" title="Share How To Live A Boring Life" data-action="click-&gt;share-dialog#open" href="javascript:void(0)">
    <i class="icon-share"></i>Share
</a>
  <dialog data-share-dialog-target="dialog" data-action="click->share-dialog#clickOutside" class="dialog dialog-share style-section-style-1">
    <button class="dialog-close" data-action="click-&gt;share-dialog#close" aria-label="close">
      <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 11 11" class="icon" width="12px" height="12px"><path d="M6.755 5.502l3.836 3.97-1.438 1.39-3.81-3.942-3.926 3.942L0 9.452 3.953 5.48 0 1.39 1.438 0l3.927 4.064L9.41 0l1.417 1.411-4.073 4.091z" fill-rule="evenodd"></path></svg>
</button>    <div class="share_desc">
      <div>
        <span data-share-dialog-target="title">How To Live A Boring Life</span>
        <br>
        <span class="byline" data-share-dialog-target="byline">
        </span>
      </div>
    </div>

    <ul class="share_icons">
      <li class="threads">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="threadsLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="550" data-popup-window-height-value="357" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 36 36" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M36 18C36 8.05887 27.9411 0 18 0C8.05887 0 0 8.05887 0 18C0 27.9411 8.05887 36 18 36C27.9411 36 36 27.9411 36 18ZM23.7524 16.9806C23.8587 17.0263 23.9638 17.074 24.0671 17.1235C25.5284 17.8245 26.597 18.8859 27.1575 20.1926C27.9387 22.0149 28.0101 24.9832 25.6397 27.3514C23.828 29.1615 21.6287 29.9784 18.5087 30H18.4946C14.9852 29.9757 12.2865 28.7948 10.4735 26.4901C8.86024 24.4393 8.02805 21.5855 8.00009 18.0084L8 18L8.00009 17.9916C8.02805 14.4145 8.86024 11.5608 10.4735 9.50991C12.2865 7.20522 14.9852 6.02431 18.4946 6H18.5087C22.0252 6.02439 24.7545 7.20084 26.6206 9.49675C27.5414 10.6295 28.218 11.9953 28.648 13.5803L26.6296 14.1188C26.2749 12.8311 25.7368 11.7267 25.023 10.8485C23.5674 9.05767 21.3735 8.13891 18.5016 8.11756C15.6505 8.13875 13.4942 9.05311 12.0923 10.8353C10.7794 12.5042 10.101 14.9147 10.0757 18C10.101 21.0853 10.7794 23.4958 12.0923 25.1646C13.4942 26.9469 15.6505 27.8612 18.5017 27.8824C21.072 27.8635 22.7728 27.252 24.1876 25.8385C25.8025 24.225 25.7724 22.2459 25.2559 21.0415C24.9521 20.333 24.4021 19.7436 23.66 19.2957C23.4792 20.6429 23.0699 21.712 22.4226 22.537C21.5704 23.6234 20.3487 24.2175 18.7915 24.3029C17.6124 24.3673 16.4778 24.0829 15.5969 23.5014C14.555 22.8135 13.9452 21.7605 13.8799 20.5365C13.7514 18.1235 15.6656 16.3869 18.6431 16.2154C19.7001 16.1548 20.6889 16.2026 21.6031 16.358C21.4818 15.6156 21.2366 15.0274 20.8701 14.6018C20.3665 14.0171 19.5884 13.7173 18.5572 13.7107L18.5286 13.7106C17.7006 13.7106 16.5765 13.9423 15.8601 15.0291L14.1378 13.8476C15.0966 12.3926 16.6546 11.593 18.5278 11.593L18.5702 11.5931C21.702 11.6131 23.5671 13.5673 23.7524 16.9806ZM15.9524 20.4215C16.0193 21.6761 17.3751 22.2619 18.6801 22.1884C19.9578 22.1182 21.408 21.6169 21.6553 18.5291C20.9924 18.3842 20.2633 18.3085 19.4839 18.3085C19.247 18.3085 19.0059 18.3154 18.7602 18.3296C16.6145 18.4533 15.9029 19.4913 15.9524 20.4215Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="facebook">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="facebookLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="550" data-popup-window-height-value="357" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 18 18" class="icon"><path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M9 0a9 9 0 110 18A9 9 0 019 0zm2.606 4H10.24c-1.575 0-2.17.77-2.215 2.076l-.002.166v1.034H7V9h1.023V14h2.046V9h1.365l.181-1.724H10.07l.003-.862c0-.417.036-.655.553-.687l.128-.003h.853V4z"></path></svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="twitter">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="twitterLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="685" data-popup-window-height-value="246" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 36 36" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M36 18C36 8.05887 27.9411 0 18 0C8.05887 0 0 8.05887 0 18C0 27.9411 8.05887 36 18 36C27.9411 36 36 27.9411 36 18ZM26.4163 9L19.7142 16.6226L27.0001 27H21.6396L16.7316 20.0104L10.5876 27H9L16.0278 19.0075L9 9H14.3604L19.0068 15.6173L24.8287 9H26.4163ZM13.5996 10.1714H11.1606L22.3878 25.8861H24.8275L13.5996 10.1714Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="email">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="emailLink" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 18 18" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" clip-rule="evenodd" d="M18 9C18 4.02944 13.9706 0 9 0C4.02944 0 0 4.02944 0 9C0 13.9706 4.02944 18 9 18C13.9706 18 18 13.9706 18 9ZM4.02511 5.73566C4.00872 5.77691 4.00004 5.82153 4.00004 5.86854L4 12.1317C4 12.1897 4.0135 12.2449 4.03762 12.2938C4.04581 12.2775 4.05691 12.2621 4.07041 12.2482L7.39793 8.87439L4.0772 5.81961C4.05116 5.79611 4.0338 5.76684 4.02511 5.73566ZM4.34327 12.4991L4.34195 12.499L7.67 9.12427L8.60412 9.98343C8.86598 10.2242 9.26962 10.2228 9.52956 9.98007L10.4564 9.11563L13.768 12.4736C13.7251 12.4904 13.6783 12.5 13.6296 12.5H4.3704C4.3612 12.5 4.35243 12.4996 4.34327 12.4991ZM13.9971 12.1795L10.727 8.86376L13.9913 5.81857C13.9932 5.81713 13.9947 5.81569 13.9961 5.81425C13.9986 5.832 14 5.85023 14 5.86846V12.1315C14 12.1478 13.999 12.1637 13.9971 12.1795ZM13.7686 5.52686C13.7257 5.50959 13.6789 5.5 13.6297 5.5L4.37041 5.50006C4.33617 5.50006 4.30338 5.50486 4.27155 5.5135C4.29229 5.52117 4.31158 5.53316 4.32846 5.549L8.85585 9.71283C8.97448 9.8222 9.15822 9.82172 9.27637 9.71139L13.7382 5.54989C13.7479 5.54077 13.758 5.5331 13.7686 5.52686Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

    </ul>
    <div class="permalink" data-controller="clipboard">
      <p>Share link</p>
      <div class="control -has-addons">
        <input type="text" value="https://themanchildmedia.com/blogs/read/posts/5984871/how-to-live-a-boring-life" data-clipboard-target="source" data-share-dialog-target="urlInput" data-action="click->share-dialog#selectUrl" readonly="true">
        <span class="control__suffix">
          <a class="button -simple -compact -icon-only" data-clipboard-target="button" data-action="clipboard#copy">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 16 16" class="icon" width="16px" height="18px"><path d="M4.166.597c-.184 0-.369.15-.369.342v1.365c0 .191.185.341.369.341h9.189v9.216c0 .191.15.342.341.342h1.365c.191 0 .342-.15.342-.342V.94a.338.338 0 00-.342-.342H4.166zm7.44 3.798H.34A.338.338 0 000 4.736v10.923c0 .19.15.341.341.341h10.923c.191 0 .341-.15.341-.341V4.395z" fill-rule="evenodd"></path></svg>
          </a>
        </span>
      </div>
    </div>
  </dialog>
</div></li>
  </ul>

  <p class="post-info"></p>
</footer>


</article>  <article class="post blog-article full-item post-full" data-controller="zoogle-video" data-action="message@window-&gt;zoogle-video#handleVimeoPostMessage">
    
<h2 class="heading-secondary heading-blog alt-font">
  <a href="/read/blog/5962363/pity-the-pitiful">Pity The Pitiful</a>&nbsp;
</h2>

<div class="post">
  <div class="message"><p><img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/368843/3d86862ad8ad9ac7b45c2a347c950adc6aac0b4a/original/img-4615.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.png" class="size_m justify_center border_" /><span class="font_small">Pity is the highest form of descrimination. To excuse someone from the standard is to deem them less human.  It’s the slippery slope I see teachers and coaches tumbling down.  As more research emerges about the effects of trauma and stress, the more excused, inexcusable behavior has become. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">“If you knew their home life…”  Is a really popular phrase right now.  First of all, no child should suffer abuse, neglect, trauma.   We make bad stuff way worse when we let what happen determine what can happen.  To tell a kid they can’t help the way they act, is to tell them what happened cant be overcome.  There’s a lot of cruelty and racism out there disguised as acceptance and tolerance. Let’s be honest.  Across the board, do we expect the same standard from the wealthy white kid as we do the poor african american.  What is the internal story we tell ourselves when we see someone homeless. Do we believe them capable of big ideas, leadership and humanity.  Or do we look away, shrug our shoulders and say “that’s sad.” </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">If we all believe the nurturing environment caused the behavior,  why can’t nurture change it? We can’t be talking out of both sides of our mouth.  We cannot attribute low character to trauma, but also believe new environments cannot set a new course. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">There is nothing hateful about asking a struggling kid to struggle more.  Actually it is pure love. When we demand from a kid, what we’re saying is “I believe.”  “I believe you are more than your abuse, more than your learning disorder. I don’t care what your excuse is, because I care about you more.” </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">We “help” kids to death because we don’t think their capable.  We make things safe because we do not trust them. We remove all responsibility because we believe them to be infrerior.  That’s how you love a dog, not a person. I dont think our ancestors are apes but the theory of adaptation is undeniable. The human brain will adapt to the standards we do and do not enforce.  One is love. The other looks like love but is something much different. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Struggle Well Friends</span></p></div>
</div>


<footer class="meta blog-footer clearfix">
    <p class="post-info"><span data-time="2019-11-15T21:14:26-05:00" title="November 15, 2019 21:14">11/15/2019</span></p>

  <ul class="blog-actions pdf__hide">
    <li class="comment-count"><a title="1 comment" class="comment-link button button-secondary" href="/read/blog/pity-the-pitiful#comments">1 comment</a></li>
      <li><div data-controller="share-dialog" data-share-dialog-url-value="https://themanchildmedia.com/blogs/read/posts/5962363/pity-the-pitiful" data-share-dialog-title-value="Pity The Pitiful" data-share-dialog-text-value="" data-share-dialog-fb-app-id-value="286076425227">
  <a class="button button-tertiary zoogle-share pdf__hide" title="Share Pity The Pitiful" data-action="click-&gt;share-dialog#open" href="javascript:void(0)">
    <i class="icon-share"></i>Share
</a>
  <dialog data-share-dialog-target="dialog" data-action="click->share-dialog#clickOutside" class="dialog dialog-share style-section-style-1">
    <button class="dialog-close" data-action="click-&gt;share-dialog#close" aria-label="close">
      <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 11 11" class="icon" width="12px" height="12px"><path d="M6.755 5.502l3.836 3.97-1.438 1.39-3.81-3.942-3.926 3.942L0 9.452 3.953 5.48 0 1.39 1.438 0l3.927 4.064L9.41 0l1.417 1.411-4.073 4.091z" fill-rule="evenodd"></path></svg>
</button>    <div class="share_desc">
      <div>
        <span data-share-dialog-target="title">Pity The Pitiful</span>
        <br>
        <span class="byline" data-share-dialog-target="byline">
        </span>
      </div>
    </div>

    <ul class="share_icons">
      <li class="threads">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="threadsLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="550" data-popup-window-height-value="357" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 36 36" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M36 18C36 8.05887 27.9411 0 18 0C8.05887 0 0 8.05887 0 18C0 27.9411 8.05887 36 18 36C27.9411 36 36 27.9411 36 18ZM23.7524 16.9806C23.8587 17.0263 23.9638 17.074 24.0671 17.1235C25.5284 17.8245 26.597 18.8859 27.1575 20.1926C27.9387 22.0149 28.0101 24.9832 25.6397 27.3514C23.828 29.1615 21.6287 29.9784 18.5087 30H18.4946C14.9852 29.9757 12.2865 28.7948 10.4735 26.4901C8.86024 24.4393 8.02805 21.5855 8.00009 18.0084L8 18L8.00009 17.9916C8.02805 14.4145 8.86024 11.5608 10.4735 9.50991C12.2865 7.20522 14.9852 6.02431 18.4946 6H18.5087C22.0252 6.02439 24.7545 7.20084 26.6206 9.49675C27.5414 10.6295 28.218 11.9953 28.648 13.5803L26.6296 14.1188C26.2749 12.8311 25.7368 11.7267 25.023 10.8485C23.5674 9.05767 21.3735 8.13891 18.5016 8.11756C15.6505 8.13875 13.4942 9.05311 12.0923 10.8353C10.7794 12.5042 10.101 14.9147 10.0757 18C10.101 21.0853 10.7794 23.4958 12.0923 25.1646C13.4942 26.9469 15.6505 27.8612 18.5017 27.8824C21.072 27.8635 22.7728 27.252 24.1876 25.8385C25.8025 24.225 25.7724 22.2459 25.2559 21.0415C24.9521 20.333 24.4021 19.7436 23.66 19.2957C23.4792 20.6429 23.0699 21.712 22.4226 22.537C21.5704 23.6234 20.3487 24.2175 18.7915 24.3029C17.6124 24.3673 16.4778 24.0829 15.5969 23.5014C14.555 22.8135 13.9452 21.7605 13.8799 20.5365C13.7514 18.1235 15.6656 16.3869 18.6431 16.2154C19.7001 16.1548 20.6889 16.2026 21.6031 16.358C21.4818 15.6156 21.2366 15.0274 20.8701 14.6018C20.3665 14.0171 19.5884 13.7173 18.5572 13.7107L18.5286 13.7106C17.7006 13.7106 16.5765 13.9423 15.8601 15.0291L14.1378 13.8476C15.0966 12.3926 16.6546 11.593 18.5278 11.593L18.5702 11.5931C21.702 11.6131 23.5671 13.5673 23.7524 16.9806ZM15.9524 20.4215C16.0193 21.6761 17.3751 22.2619 18.6801 22.1884C19.9578 22.1182 21.408 21.6169 21.6553 18.5291C20.9924 18.3842 20.2633 18.3085 19.4839 18.3085C19.247 18.3085 19.0059 18.3154 18.7602 18.3296C16.6145 18.4533 15.9029 19.4913 15.9524 20.4215Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="facebook">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="facebookLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="550" data-popup-window-height-value="357" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 18 18" class="icon"><path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M9 0a9 9 0 110 18A9 9 0 019 0zm2.606 4H10.24c-1.575 0-2.17.77-2.215 2.076l-.002.166v1.034H7V9h1.023V14h2.046V9h1.365l.181-1.724H10.07l.003-.862c0-.417.036-.655.553-.687l.128-.003h.853V4z"></path></svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="twitter">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="twitterLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="685" data-popup-window-height-value="246" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 36 36" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M36 18C36 8.05887 27.9411 0 18 0C8.05887 0 0 8.05887 0 18C0 27.9411 8.05887 36 18 36C27.9411 36 36 27.9411 36 18ZM26.4163 9L19.7142 16.6226L27.0001 27H21.6396L16.7316 20.0104L10.5876 27H9L16.0278 19.0075L9 9H14.3604L19.0068 15.6173L24.8287 9H26.4163ZM13.5996 10.1714H11.1606L22.3878 25.8861H24.8275L13.5996 10.1714Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="email">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="emailLink" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 18 18" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" clip-rule="evenodd" d="M18 9C18 4.02944 13.9706 0 9 0C4.02944 0 0 4.02944 0 9C0 13.9706 4.02944 18 9 18C13.9706 18 18 13.9706 18 9ZM4.02511 5.73566C4.00872 5.77691 4.00004 5.82153 4.00004 5.86854L4 12.1317C4 12.1897 4.0135 12.2449 4.03762 12.2938C4.04581 12.2775 4.05691 12.2621 4.07041 12.2482L7.39793 8.87439L4.0772 5.81961C4.05116 5.79611 4.0338 5.76684 4.02511 5.73566ZM4.34327 12.4991L4.34195 12.499L7.67 9.12427L8.60412 9.98343C8.86598 10.2242 9.26962 10.2228 9.52956 9.98007L10.4564 9.11563L13.768 12.4736C13.7251 12.4904 13.6783 12.5 13.6296 12.5H4.3704C4.3612 12.5 4.35243 12.4996 4.34327 12.4991ZM13.9971 12.1795L10.727 8.86376L13.9913 5.81857C13.9932 5.81713 13.9947 5.81569 13.9961 5.81425C13.9986 5.832 14 5.85023 14 5.86846V12.1315C14 12.1478 13.999 12.1637 13.9971 12.1795ZM13.7686 5.52686C13.7257 5.50959 13.6789 5.5 13.6297 5.5L4.37041 5.50006C4.33617 5.50006 4.30338 5.50486 4.27155 5.5135C4.29229 5.52117 4.31158 5.53316 4.32846 5.549L8.85585 9.71283C8.97448 9.8222 9.15822 9.82172 9.27637 9.71139L13.7382 5.54989C13.7479 5.54077 13.758 5.5331 13.7686 5.52686Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

    </ul>
    <div class="permalink" data-controller="clipboard">
      <p>Share link</p>
      <div class="control -has-addons">
        <input type="text" value="https://themanchildmedia.com/blogs/read/posts/5962363/pity-the-pitiful" data-clipboard-target="source" data-share-dialog-target="urlInput" data-action="click->share-dialog#selectUrl" readonly="true">
        <span class="control__suffix">
          <a class="button -simple -compact -icon-only" data-clipboard-target="button" data-action="clipboard#copy">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 16 16" class="icon" width="16px" height="18px"><path d="M4.166.597c-.184 0-.369.15-.369.342v1.365c0 .191.185.341.369.341h9.189v9.216c0 .191.15.342.341.342h1.365c.191 0 .342-.15.342-.342V.94a.338.338 0 00-.342-.342H4.166zm7.44 3.798H.34A.338.338 0 000 4.736v10.923c0 .19.15.341.341.341h10.923c.191 0 .341-.15.341-.341V4.395z" fill-rule="evenodd"></path></svg>
          </a>
        </span>
      </div>
    </div>
  </dialog>
</div></li>
  </ul>

  <p class="post-info"></p>
</footer>


</article>  <article class="post blog-article full-item post-full" data-controller="zoogle-video" data-action="message@window-&gt;zoogle-video#handleVimeoPostMessage">
    
<h2 class="heading-secondary heading-blog alt-font">
  <a href="/read/blog/5947181/god-does-not-have-a-specific-plan-for-your-life-and-that-s-a-good-thing">God Does Not Have A Specific Plan For Your Life, And That&#39;s A Good Thing</a>&nbsp;
</h2>

<div class="post">
  <div class="message"><p><img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/368843/90646c972ab6740d4d6c1389c164765e516f1b02/original/img-4522.jpeg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.jpeg" class="size_m justify_left border_" /><span class="font_small">Jesus isn’t taking the wheel, and there is no specific purpose for your life and that’s a great thing.  Here’s why,  We are Created in God’s image.  (Genesis 1:29) If you believe that, lets move to level two.  He is God the father.  The previous two statements wont find much push back from Christians.  Let’s apply a little pythagorean logic to the matter. If He created us in his image, and He is the father then it’s worth noticing our own instincts to parenting.  Ask yourself this. Do you have an itemized plan in place for your child’s entire life? Who they will marry, what job they work, where they live? NO YOU DON’T. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">All we want for our kids is to be fully alive.  That’s IT! So why do we think God the father wants any different.  I heard Donald Miller give a talk and he said “What if God was just sitting at the kitchen table with us while he rolled out some butcher paper and handed us some markers and said “let’s make something together.  Much like us, I don’t think God wants specificity from us, as much as he wants to be included. Your mom wants you to have the wedding of your dreams. She’d be flattered if you asked her to help pick out the dress.  God the father feels the same way. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Enough with this “I just want to find God’s purpose for my life” nonsense.  The love of God is not an algorithm to be unlocked. I’ve paralyzed myself and made things way too complicated trying to force this philosophy on the happenings of real life.  We want our pain to have a reason to it. If somehow if we can make sense of it maybe it will hurt less. It won’t and everything does not happen for a reason for our specific life plan.  We live in a broken world, and sometimes broken things happen. He gave us the gift of free will. If He stepped in and stopped our bad decisions we wouldn’t really be free to choose. Otherwise he would have stopped eve from biting the apple.  Stop telling your friend diagnosed with cancer, everything happens for a reason. Or you’re unemployed buddy that God is testing him. Yes we can learn from terrible things. We can grow from setbacks, but stop saying God did it. He plans no evil.  God created a world of free will and it has made our home beautiful and awful. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">So 31 years deep into some really good times and some really dark ones too, Ive come to this conclusion. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">1. Do what lights you up!  What do you love to do? Now test that against what we know to be the things that please the Father.  If they arent in opposition of each other, go get em mean boy. 2. The things you feel passionate about are a gift to your heart.  Find a way to connect what you love to do to the help you can give the people in front of you. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">3. Treat people well, thank God while you do it, and stop being surprised when bad things happen.  They will, and great things will also, over and over as long as we are on this side of heaven. Choose the best form of struggle for you and go do it well </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Struggle Well Friends</span></p></div>
</div>


<footer class="meta blog-footer clearfix">
    <p class="post-info"><span data-time="2019-11-01T22:39:43-04:00" title="November 01, 2019 22:39">11/01/2019</span></p>

  <ul class="blog-actions pdf__hide">
    <li class="comment-count"><a title="7 comments" class="comment-link button button-secondary" href="/read/blog/god-does-not-have-a-specific-plan-for-your-life-and-that-s-a-good-thing#comments">7 comments</a></li>
      <li><div data-controller="share-dialog" data-share-dialog-url-value="https://themanchildmedia.com/blogs/read/posts/5947181/god-does-not-have-a-specific-plan-for-your-life-and-that-s-a-good-thing" data-share-dialog-title-value="God Does Not Have A Specific Plan For Your Life, And That&#39;s A Good Thing" data-share-dialog-text-value="" data-share-dialog-fb-app-id-value="286076425227">
  <a class="button button-tertiary zoogle-share pdf__hide" title="Share God Does Not Have A Specific Plan For Your Life, And That&#39;s A Good Thing" data-action="click-&gt;share-dialog#open" href="javascript:void(0)">
    <i class="icon-share"></i>Share
</a>
  <dialog data-share-dialog-target="dialog" data-action="click->share-dialog#clickOutside" class="dialog dialog-share style-section-style-1">
    <button class="dialog-close" data-action="click-&gt;share-dialog#close" aria-label="close">
      <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 11 11" class="icon" width="12px" height="12px"><path d="M6.755 5.502l3.836 3.97-1.438 1.39-3.81-3.942-3.926 3.942L0 9.452 3.953 5.48 0 1.39 1.438 0l3.927 4.064L9.41 0l1.417 1.411-4.073 4.091z" fill-rule="evenodd"></path></svg>
</button>    <div class="share_desc">
      <div>
        <span data-share-dialog-target="title">God Does Not Have A Specific Plan For Your Life, And That&#39;s A Good Thing</span>
        <br>
        <span class="byline" data-share-dialog-target="byline">
        </span>
      </div>
    </div>

    <ul class="share_icons">
      <li class="threads">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="threadsLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="550" data-popup-window-height-value="357" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 36 36" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M36 18C36 8.05887 27.9411 0 18 0C8.05887 0 0 8.05887 0 18C0 27.9411 8.05887 36 18 36C27.9411 36 36 27.9411 36 18ZM23.7524 16.9806C23.8587 17.0263 23.9638 17.074 24.0671 17.1235C25.5284 17.8245 26.597 18.8859 27.1575 20.1926C27.9387 22.0149 28.0101 24.9832 25.6397 27.3514C23.828 29.1615 21.6287 29.9784 18.5087 30H18.4946C14.9852 29.9757 12.2865 28.7948 10.4735 26.4901C8.86024 24.4393 8.02805 21.5855 8.00009 18.0084L8 18L8.00009 17.9916C8.02805 14.4145 8.86024 11.5608 10.4735 9.50991C12.2865 7.20522 14.9852 6.02431 18.4946 6H18.5087C22.0252 6.02439 24.7545 7.20084 26.6206 9.49675C27.5414 10.6295 28.218 11.9953 28.648 13.5803L26.6296 14.1188C26.2749 12.8311 25.7368 11.7267 25.023 10.8485C23.5674 9.05767 21.3735 8.13891 18.5016 8.11756C15.6505 8.13875 13.4942 9.05311 12.0923 10.8353C10.7794 12.5042 10.101 14.9147 10.0757 18C10.101 21.0853 10.7794 23.4958 12.0923 25.1646C13.4942 26.9469 15.6505 27.8612 18.5017 27.8824C21.072 27.8635 22.7728 27.252 24.1876 25.8385C25.8025 24.225 25.7724 22.2459 25.2559 21.0415C24.9521 20.333 24.4021 19.7436 23.66 19.2957C23.4792 20.6429 23.0699 21.712 22.4226 22.537C21.5704 23.6234 20.3487 24.2175 18.7915 24.3029C17.6124 24.3673 16.4778 24.0829 15.5969 23.5014C14.555 22.8135 13.9452 21.7605 13.8799 20.5365C13.7514 18.1235 15.6656 16.3869 18.6431 16.2154C19.7001 16.1548 20.6889 16.2026 21.6031 16.358C21.4818 15.6156 21.2366 15.0274 20.8701 14.6018C20.3665 14.0171 19.5884 13.7173 18.5572 13.7107L18.5286 13.7106C17.7006 13.7106 16.5765 13.9423 15.8601 15.0291L14.1378 13.8476C15.0966 12.3926 16.6546 11.593 18.5278 11.593L18.5702 11.5931C21.702 11.6131 23.5671 13.5673 23.7524 16.9806ZM15.9524 20.4215C16.0193 21.6761 17.3751 22.2619 18.6801 22.1884C19.9578 22.1182 21.408 21.6169 21.6553 18.5291C20.9924 18.3842 20.2633 18.3085 19.4839 18.3085C19.247 18.3085 19.0059 18.3154 18.7602 18.3296C16.6145 18.4533 15.9029 19.4913 15.9524 20.4215Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="facebook">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="facebookLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="550" data-popup-window-height-value="357" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 18 18" class="icon"><path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M9 0a9 9 0 110 18A9 9 0 019 0zm2.606 4H10.24c-1.575 0-2.17.77-2.215 2.076l-.002.166v1.034H7V9h1.023V14h2.046V9h1.365l.181-1.724H10.07l.003-.862c0-.417.036-.655.553-.687l.128-.003h.853V4z"></path></svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="twitter">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="twitterLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="685" data-popup-window-height-value="246" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 36 36" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M36 18C36 8.05887 27.9411 0 18 0C8.05887 0 0 8.05887 0 18C0 27.9411 8.05887 36 18 36C27.9411 36 36 27.9411 36 18ZM26.4163 9L19.7142 16.6226L27.0001 27H21.6396L16.7316 20.0104L10.5876 27H9L16.0278 19.0075L9 9H14.3604L19.0068 15.6173L24.8287 9H26.4163ZM13.5996 10.1714H11.1606L22.3878 25.8861H24.8275L13.5996 10.1714Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="email">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="emailLink" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 18 18" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" clip-rule="evenodd" d="M18 9C18 4.02944 13.9706 0 9 0C4.02944 0 0 4.02944 0 9C0 13.9706 4.02944 18 9 18C13.9706 18 18 13.9706 18 9ZM4.02511 5.73566C4.00872 5.77691 4.00004 5.82153 4.00004 5.86854L4 12.1317C4 12.1897 4.0135 12.2449 4.03762 12.2938C4.04581 12.2775 4.05691 12.2621 4.07041 12.2482L7.39793 8.87439L4.0772 5.81961C4.05116 5.79611 4.0338 5.76684 4.02511 5.73566ZM4.34327 12.4991L4.34195 12.499L7.67 9.12427L8.60412 9.98343C8.86598 10.2242 9.26962 10.2228 9.52956 9.98007L10.4564 9.11563L13.768 12.4736C13.7251 12.4904 13.6783 12.5 13.6296 12.5H4.3704C4.3612 12.5 4.35243 12.4996 4.34327 12.4991ZM13.9971 12.1795L10.727 8.86376L13.9913 5.81857C13.9932 5.81713 13.9947 5.81569 13.9961 5.81425C13.9986 5.832 14 5.85023 14 5.86846V12.1315C14 12.1478 13.999 12.1637 13.9971 12.1795ZM13.7686 5.52686C13.7257 5.50959 13.6789 5.5 13.6297 5.5L4.37041 5.50006C4.33617 5.50006 4.30338 5.50486 4.27155 5.5135C4.29229 5.52117 4.31158 5.53316 4.32846 5.549L8.85585 9.71283C8.97448 9.8222 9.15822 9.82172 9.27637 9.71139L13.7382 5.54989C13.7479 5.54077 13.758 5.5331 13.7686 5.52686Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

    </ul>
    <div class="permalink" data-controller="clipboard">
      <p>Share link</p>
      <div class="control -has-addons">
        <input type="text" value="https://themanchildmedia.com/blogs/read/posts/5947181/god-does-not-have-a-specific-plan-for-your-life-and-that-s-a-good-thing" data-clipboard-target="source" data-share-dialog-target="urlInput" data-action="click->share-dialog#selectUrl" readonly="true">
        <span class="control__suffix">
          <a class="button -simple -compact -icon-only" data-clipboard-target="button" data-action="clipboard#copy">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 16 16" class="icon" width="16px" height="18px"><path d="M4.166.597c-.184 0-.369.15-.369.342v1.365c0 .191.185.341.369.341h9.189v9.216c0 .191.15.342.341.342h1.365c.191 0 .342-.15.342-.342V.94a.338.338 0 00-.342-.342H4.166zm7.44 3.798H.34A.338.338 0 000 4.736v10.923c0 .19.15.341.341.341h10.923c.191 0 .341-.15.341-.341V4.395z" fill-rule="evenodd"></path></svg>
          </a>
        </span>
      </div>
    </div>
  </dialog>
</div></li>
  </ul>

  <p class="post-info"></p>
</footer>


</article>  <article class="post blog-article full-item post-full" data-controller="zoogle-video" data-action="message@window-&gt;zoogle-video#handleVimeoPostMessage">
    
<h2 class="heading-secondary heading-blog alt-font">
  <a href="/read/blog/5934787/toxic-masculinity-why-mistreating-women-is-part-of-a-bigger-story">Toxic Masculinity | Why Mistreating Women Is part Of A Bigger Story</a>&nbsp;
</h2>

<div class="post">
  <div class="message"><p><img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/368843/0b87879b648a46b10bc2c774a1dae7414cbca775/original/img-4442.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.jpg" class="size_m justify_left border_" /></p>
<p><span class="font_small"><strong>Masculine Can't Be Toxic </strong></span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Toxic masculinity is an oxymoron.  Objectifying women, sexism, gender inequality is anything but masculine.  It’s what little boys do. Little boys hit girls, they challenge them to races, and get excited when they beat them in basketball.   Like most societal issues, we missed the bigger picture. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Women are casualties of man’s internal war.  Show me a man marginalizing women and I’ll show you fear and comparison.  I’ll show a man losing his battle to answer his question. John Eldridge, Author of Wild at Heart, talks about every man’s question “Am I enough?”  He claims the fall of Adam occurred when he took his question from God and brought it to Eve. In essence, sin is when man tries to answer his heart’s question with someone or something other than God.  Ever wondered why we’re so obsessed with sports? It is literally a scored measurement of “how enough” we are. As a college coach I watched grown men, with families attempt to validate their existence on this planet one Saturday at a time.  If we won, they were worthy, if we lost, they were inferior as men. With these sort of stakes, Saturday is so much more than football, it’s a frenzy of validation. Every trophy, paycheck, and tender hook up is in pursuit of the answer. “Am I Enough?” </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">The treatment of women is a symptom to the virus, not the virus itself.  I love the quote from the movie Legends of the Fall </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">And they live by what they hear. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Such people become crazy, </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">or they become legends .. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">l think it was the bear's voice he heard deep inside him. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Growling low of dark, secret places. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">A man who hasn’t done the work to quiet his question has a bear in him.  He’ll destroy everyone and everything in hopes of filling the black hole in his heart.  Masculinity, true masculine men have excused themselves from comparison. They’ve allowed God, their father to tell them who they are.  They know the answer. Critic aside, there are two types of men in every arena. The one who competes to get his question answered by the result. And the one whose come to display his skills already knowing the answer.  I recently did an interview with Navy Seal and CEO of Heroes and Horses Micah Fink. He said, “We are incredibly educated about what everyone else says will make us happy, but we are ignorant of ourselves.” How do we teach us about our own hearts.  Micah thinks it’s only possible under great strain and struggle. The struggle is the medium in which we educate our minds about our hearts. You have no idea what’s going on in there until we do something hard enough, we’re forced to go looking. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">A man who knows he’s enough can shift his view of a woman from possible answer to his agony, another meal for the bear, to a role of protector and defender of her heart. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">There is no beauty in our universe like when a woman lets her guard down and shows her true heart.  But she can’t do that with predators at her heels. I’m ashamed of how we’ve made women feel on this earth, but I’m hopeful for what we can make for our daughters.  We must struggle greatly, and on purpose to put the bear to sleep. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Struggle Well Friends</span></p></div>
</div>


<footer class="meta blog-footer clearfix">
    <p class="post-info"><span data-time="2019-10-22T09:33:30-04:00" title="October 22, 2019 09:33">10/22/2019</span></p>

  <ul class="blog-actions pdf__hide">
    <li class="comment-count"><a title="1 comment" class="comment-link button button-secondary" href="/read/blog/toxic-masculinity-why-mistreating-women-is-part-of-a-bigger-story#comments">1 comment</a></li>
      <li><div data-controller="share-dialog" data-share-dialog-url-value="https://themanchildmedia.com/blogs/read/posts/5934787/toxic-masculinity-why-mistreating-women-is-part-of-a-bigger-story" data-share-dialog-title-value="Toxic Masculinity | Why Mistreating Women Is part Of A Bigger Story" data-share-dialog-text-value="" data-share-dialog-fb-app-id-value="286076425227">
  <a class="button button-tertiary zoogle-share pdf__hide" title="Share Toxic Masculinity | Why Mistreating Women Is part Of A Bigger Story" data-action="click-&gt;share-dialog#open" href="javascript:void(0)">
    <i class="icon-share"></i>Share
</a>
  <dialog data-share-dialog-target="dialog" data-action="click->share-dialog#clickOutside" class="dialog dialog-share style-section-style-1">
    <button class="dialog-close" data-action="click-&gt;share-dialog#close" aria-label="close">
      <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 11 11" class="icon" width="12px" height="12px"><path d="M6.755 5.502l3.836 3.97-1.438 1.39-3.81-3.942-3.926 3.942L0 9.452 3.953 5.48 0 1.39 1.438 0l3.927 4.064L9.41 0l1.417 1.411-4.073 4.091z" fill-rule="evenodd"></path></svg>
</button>    <div class="share_desc">
      <div>
        <span data-share-dialog-target="title">Toxic Masculinity | Why Mistreating Women Is part Of A Bigger Story</span>
        <br>
        <span class="byline" data-share-dialog-target="byline">
        </span>
      </div>
    </div>

    <ul class="share_icons">
      <li class="threads">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="threadsLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="550" data-popup-window-height-value="357" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 36 36" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M36 18C36 8.05887 27.9411 0 18 0C8.05887 0 0 8.05887 0 18C0 27.9411 8.05887 36 18 36C27.9411 36 36 27.9411 36 18ZM23.7524 16.9806C23.8587 17.0263 23.9638 17.074 24.0671 17.1235C25.5284 17.8245 26.597 18.8859 27.1575 20.1926C27.9387 22.0149 28.0101 24.9832 25.6397 27.3514C23.828 29.1615 21.6287 29.9784 18.5087 30H18.4946C14.9852 29.9757 12.2865 28.7948 10.4735 26.4901C8.86024 24.4393 8.02805 21.5855 8.00009 18.0084L8 18L8.00009 17.9916C8.02805 14.4145 8.86024 11.5608 10.4735 9.50991C12.2865 7.20522 14.9852 6.02431 18.4946 6H18.5087C22.0252 6.02439 24.7545 7.20084 26.6206 9.49675C27.5414 10.6295 28.218 11.9953 28.648 13.5803L26.6296 14.1188C26.2749 12.8311 25.7368 11.7267 25.023 10.8485C23.5674 9.05767 21.3735 8.13891 18.5016 8.11756C15.6505 8.13875 13.4942 9.05311 12.0923 10.8353C10.7794 12.5042 10.101 14.9147 10.0757 18C10.101 21.0853 10.7794 23.4958 12.0923 25.1646C13.4942 26.9469 15.6505 27.8612 18.5017 27.8824C21.072 27.8635 22.7728 27.252 24.1876 25.8385C25.8025 24.225 25.7724 22.2459 25.2559 21.0415C24.9521 20.333 24.4021 19.7436 23.66 19.2957C23.4792 20.6429 23.0699 21.712 22.4226 22.537C21.5704 23.6234 20.3487 24.2175 18.7915 24.3029C17.6124 24.3673 16.4778 24.0829 15.5969 23.5014C14.555 22.8135 13.9452 21.7605 13.8799 20.5365C13.7514 18.1235 15.6656 16.3869 18.6431 16.2154C19.7001 16.1548 20.6889 16.2026 21.6031 16.358C21.4818 15.6156 21.2366 15.0274 20.8701 14.6018C20.3665 14.0171 19.5884 13.7173 18.5572 13.7107L18.5286 13.7106C17.7006 13.7106 16.5765 13.9423 15.8601 15.0291L14.1378 13.8476C15.0966 12.3926 16.6546 11.593 18.5278 11.593L18.5702 11.5931C21.702 11.6131 23.5671 13.5673 23.7524 16.9806ZM15.9524 20.4215C16.0193 21.6761 17.3751 22.2619 18.6801 22.1884C19.9578 22.1182 21.408 21.6169 21.6553 18.5291C20.9924 18.3842 20.2633 18.3085 19.4839 18.3085C19.247 18.3085 19.0059 18.3154 18.7602 18.3296C16.6145 18.4533 15.9029 19.4913 15.9524 20.4215Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="facebook">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="facebookLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="550" data-popup-window-height-value="357" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 18 18" class="icon"><path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M9 0a9 9 0 110 18A9 9 0 019 0zm2.606 4H10.24c-1.575 0-2.17.77-2.215 2.076l-.002.166v1.034H7V9h1.023V14h2.046V9h1.365l.181-1.724H10.07l.003-.862c0-.417.036-.655.553-.687l.128-.003h.853V4z"></path></svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="twitter">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="twitterLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="685" data-popup-window-height-value="246" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 36 36" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M36 18C36 8.05887 27.9411 0 18 0C8.05887 0 0 8.05887 0 18C0 27.9411 8.05887 36 18 36C27.9411 36 36 27.9411 36 18ZM26.4163 9L19.7142 16.6226L27.0001 27H21.6396L16.7316 20.0104L10.5876 27H9L16.0278 19.0075L9 9H14.3604L19.0068 15.6173L24.8287 9H26.4163ZM13.5996 10.1714H11.1606L22.3878 25.8861H24.8275L13.5996 10.1714Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="email">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="emailLink" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 18 18" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" clip-rule="evenodd" d="M18 9C18 4.02944 13.9706 0 9 0C4.02944 0 0 4.02944 0 9C0 13.9706 4.02944 18 9 18C13.9706 18 18 13.9706 18 9ZM4.02511 5.73566C4.00872 5.77691 4.00004 5.82153 4.00004 5.86854L4 12.1317C4 12.1897 4.0135 12.2449 4.03762 12.2938C4.04581 12.2775 4.05691 12.2621 4.07041 12.2482L7.39793 8.87439L4.0772 5.81961C4.05116 5.79611 4.0338 5.76684 4.02511 5.73566ZM4.34327 12.4991L4.34195 12.499L7.67 9.12427L8.60412 9.98343C8.86598 10.2242 9.26962 10.2228 9.52956 9.98007L10.4564 9.11563L13.768 12.4736C13.7251 12.4904 13.6783 12.5 13.6296 12.5H4.3704C4.3612 12.5 4.35243 12.4996 4.34327 12.4991ZM13.9971 12.1795L10.727 8.86376L13.9913 5.81857C13.9932 5.81713 13.9947 5.81569 13.9961 5.81425C13.9986 5.832 14 5.85023 14 5.86846V12.1315C14 12.1478 13.999 12.1637 13.9971 12.1795ZM13.7686 5.52686C13.7257 5.50959 13.6789 5.5 13.6297 5.5L4.37041 5.50006C4.33617 5.50006 4.30338 5.50486 4.27155 5.5135C4.29229 5.52117 4.31158 5.53316 4.32846 5.549L8.85585 9.71283C8.97448 9.8222 9.15822 9.82172 9.27637 9.71139L13.7382 5.54989C13.7479 5.54077 13.758 5.5331 13.7686 5.52686Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

    </ul>
    <div class="permalink" data-controller="clipboard">
      <p>Share link</p>
      <div class="control -has-addons">
        <input type="text" value="https://themanchildmedia.com/blogs/read/posts/5934787/toxic-masculinity-why-mistreating-women-is-part-of-a-bigger-story" data-clipboard-target="source" data-share-dialog-target="urlInput" data-action="click->share-dialog#selectUrl" readonly="true">
        <span class="control__suffix">
          <a class="button -simple -compact -icon-only" data-clipboard-target="button" data-action="clipboard#copy">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 16 16" class="icon" width="16px" height="18px"><path d="M4.166.597c-.184 0-.369.15-.369.342v1.365c0 .191.185.341.369.341h9.189v9.216c0 .191.15.342.341.342h1.365c.191 0 .342-.15.342-.342V.94a.338.338 0 00-.342-.342H4.166zm7.44 3.798H.34A.338.338 0 000 4.736v10.923c0 .19.15.341.341.341h10.923c.191 0 .341-.15.341-.341V4.395z" fill-rule="evenodd"></path></svg>
          </a>
        </span>
      </div>
    </div>
  </dialog>
</div></li>
  </ul>

  <p class="post-info"></p>
</footer>


</article>  <article class="post blog-article full-item post-full" data-controller="zoogle-video" data-action="message@window-&gt;zoogle-video#handleVimeoPostMessage">
    
<h2 class="heading-secondary heading-blog alt-font">
  <a href="/read/blog/5927942/why-truth-bombs-bring-peace">Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say: Why Truth Bombs Bring Peace </a>&nbsp;
</h2>

<div class="post">
  <div class="message"><p><img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/368843/0441db5c97820a2f94ec8ce145fb883d5d35a7c5/original/img-4378.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_left border_" /></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Say what you mean, what you say: Why Truth Bombs Bring Peace</span></p>
<p><span class="font_small"> My friend Heath Brown has a saying, “anything good is hard and takes all your time.” Maybe that’s why we dress up and water down what we say.  To really speak the truth to someone, to actually be honest induces mayhem. The white lie skips us out of conflict we so desperately try to avoid.  The truth will set you free but first it will piss everyone off. Lying to each other is just more convenient. Lying to ourselves is way easier than owning our failures.  It’s called a truth bomb for a reason. There’s fallout, shrapnel, people get hurt. But like most uncomfortable things, there’s gold on the other side of truth induced trauma. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">I’m in the middle of this war zone right now.   My wife and I had some serious truths we needed to drop on each other for a few months now.  I’ve stacked up my sandbag bunker in the form of working so hard I can’t think about anything else, her in the form of taking care of the kids and special projects for people capable of being pleasant.  It’s easier if we both pretend there isn’t an elephant sleeping in the bed with us, but it’s not living. It’s the starvation of relationship like a goldfish we forgot about from the fair. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">I’ve noticed two ways (so far) that we squirm under the truth.  Me: I make up a story that blames someone else and their lack of understanding.  My wife: shutdown, call in sick and hope it all blows over. When we both couldn’t take anymore of the cold war, I fired the first shot.  It was a glancing blow, I knicked her shoulder. “You are basically my roommate, You couldn’t be less interested in me.” </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Her response:  “You are miserable to be around because you refuse to get over being fired.”  We both we’re bleeding out, and we both were exactly right. What happened next was purely Corinthian.  “Love Bears all Things.” </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">It isn’t until  we both shoot each other in the face with honesty that we can get back to loving fully.  Every dude idolizes a man of his word and every man hates being vulnerable. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small"> “Why can’t men be men?”  My friend Chip Morton often asks me.  “Why do we posture and project to protect ourselves from being seen?”  Maybe we do all this because we cant have truth without vulnerability. Maybe we fear being exposed more than we value being real.  Until the pendulum swings, we’re stuck a discount version of ourselves. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Big living isn’t possible while posing.  Loving people isn’t possible without truth.  We have to say what we mean and mean what we say. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Struggle Well Friends</span></p></div>
</div>


<footer class="meta blog-footer clearfix">
    <p class="post-info"><span data-time="2019-10-15T21:10:11-04:00" title="October 15, 2019 21:10">10/15/2019</span></p>

  <ul class="blog-actions pdf__hide">
    <li class="comment-count"><a title="Leave a comment" class="comment-link button button-secondary" href="/read/blog/why-truth-bombs-bring-peace#comments">Leave a comment</a></li>
      <li><div data-controller="share-dialog" data-share-dialog-url-value="https://themanchildmedia.com/blogs/read/posts/5927942/why-truth-bombs-bring-peace" data-share-dialog-title-value="Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say: Why Truth Bombs Bring Peace " data-share-dialog-text-value="" data-share-dialog-fb-app-id-value="286076425227">
  <a class="button button-tertiary zoogle-share pdf__hide" title="Share Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say: Why Truth Bombs Bring Peace " data-action="click-&gt;share-dialog#open" href="javascript:void(0)">
    <i class="icon-share"></i>Share
</a>
  <dialog data-share-dialog-target="dialog" data-action="click->share-dialog#clickOutside" class="dialog dialog-share style-section-style-1">
    <button class="dialog-close" data-action="click-&gt;share-dialog#close" aria-label="close">
      <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 11 11" class="icon" width="12px" height="12px"><path d="M6.755 5.502l3.836 3.97-1.438 1.39-3.81-3.942-3.926 3.942L0 9.452 3.953 5.48 0 1.39 1.438 0l3.927 4.064L9.41 0l1.417 1.411-4.073 4.091z" fill-rule="evenodd"></path></svg>
</button>    <div class="share_desc">
      <div>
        <span data-share-dialog-target="title">Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say: Why Truth Bombs Bring Peace </span>
        <br>
        <span class="byline" data-share-dialog-target="byline">
        </span>
      </div>
    </div>

    <ul class="share_icons">
      <li class="threads">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="threadsLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="550" data-popup-window-height-value="357" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 36 36" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M36 18C36 8.05887 27.9411 0 18 0C8.05887 0 0 8.05887 0 18C0 27.9411 8.05887 36 18 36C27.9411 36 36 27.9411 36 18ZM23.7524 16.9806C23.8587 17.0263 23.9638 17.074 24.0671 17.1235C25.5284 17.8245 26.597 18.8859 27.1575 20.1926C27.9387 22.0149 28.0101 24.9832 25.6397 27.3514C23.828 29.1615 21.6287 29.9784 18.5087 30H18.4946C14.9852 29.9757 12.2865 28.7948 10.4735 26.4901C8.86024 24.4393 8.02805 21.5855 8.00009 18.0084L8 18L8.00009 17.9916C8.02805 14.4145 8.86024 11.5608 10.4735 9.50991C12.2865 7.20522 14.9852 6.02431 18.4946 6H18.5087C22.0252 6.02439 24.7545 7.20084 26.6206 9.49675C27.5414 10.6295 28.218 11.9953 28.648 13.5803L26.6296 14.1188C26.2749 12.8311 25.7368 11.7267 25.023 10.8485C23.5674 9.05767 21.3735 8.13891 18.5016 8.11756C15.6505 8.13875 13.4942 9.05311 12.0923 10.8353C10.7794 12.5042 10.101 14.9147 10.0757 18C10.101 21.0853 10.7794 23.4958 12.0923 25.1646C13.4942 26.9469 15.6505 27.8612 18.5017 27.8824C21.072 27.8635 22.7728 27.252 24.1876 25.8385C25.8025 24.225 25.7724 22.2459 25.2559 21.0415C24.9521 20.333 24.4021 19.7436 23.66 19.2957C23.4792 20.6429 23.0699 21.712 22.4226 22.537C21.5704 23.6234 20.3487 24.2175 18.7915 24.3029C17.6124 24.3673 16.4778 24.0829 15.5969 23.5014C14.555 22.8135 13.9452 21.7605 13.8799 20.5365C13.7514 18.1235 15.6656 16.3869 18.6431 16.2154C19.7001 16.1548 20.6889 16.2026 21.6031 16.358C21.4818 15.6156 21.2366 15.0274 20.8701 14.6018C20.3665 14.0171 19.5884 13.7173 18.5572 13.7107L18.5286 13.7106C17.7006 13.7106 16.5765 13.9423 15.8601 15.0291L14.1378 13.8476C15.0966 12.3926 16.6546 11.593 18.5278 11.593L18.5702 11.5931C21.702 11.6131 23.5671 13.5673 23.7524 16.9806ZM15.9524 20.4215C16.0193 21.6761 17.3751 22.2619 18.6801 22.1884C19.9578 22.1182 21.408 21.6169 21.6553 18.5291C20.9924 18.3842 20.2633 18.3085 19.4839 18.3085C19.247 18.3085 19.0059 18.3154 18.7602 18.3296C16.6145 18.4533 15.9029 19.4913 15.9524 20.4215Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="facebook">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="facebookLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="550" data-popup-window-height-value="357" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 18 18" class="icon"><path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M9 0a9 9 0 110 18A9 9 0 019 0zm2.606 4H10.24c-1.575 0-2.17.77-2.215 2.076l-.002.166v1.034H7V9h1.023V14h2.046V9h1.365l.181-1.724H10.07l.003-.862c0-.417.036-.655.553-.687l.128-.003h.853V4z"></path></svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="twitter">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="twitterLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="685" data-popup-window-height-value="246" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 36 36" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M36 18C36 8.05887 27.9411 0 18 0C8.05887 0 0 8.05887 0 18C0 27.9411 8.05887 36 18 36C27.9411 36 36 27.9411 36 18ZM26.4163 9L19.7142 16.6226L27.0001 27H21.6396L16.7316 20.0104L10.5876 27H9L16.0278 19.0075L9 9H14.3604L19.0068 15.6173L24.8287 9H26.4163ZM13.5996 10.1714H11.1606L22.3878 25.8861H24.8275L13.5996 10.1714Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="email">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="emailLink" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 18 18" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" clip-rule="evenodd" d="M18 9C18 4.02944 13.9706 0 9 0C4.02944 0 0 4.02944 0 9C0 13.9706 4.02944 18 9 18C13.9706 18 18 13.9706 18 9ZM4.02511 5.73566C4.00872 5.77691 4.00004 5.82153 4.00004 5.86854L4 12.1317C4 12.1897 4.0135 12.2449 4.03762 12.2938C4.04581 12.2775 4.05691 12.2621 4.07041 12.2482L7.39793 8.87439L4.0772 5.81961C4.05116 5.79611 4.0338 5.76684 4.02511 5.73566ZM4.34327 12.4991L4.34195 12.499L7.67 9.12427L8.60412 9.98343C8.86598 10.2242 9.26962 10.2228 9.52956 9.98007L10.4564 9.11563L13.768 12.4736C13.7251 12.4904 13.6783 12.5 13.6296 12.5H4.3704C4.3612 12.5 4.35243 12.4996 4.34327 12.4991ZM13.9971 12.1795L10.727 8.86376L13.9913 5.81857C13.9932 5.81713 13.9947 5.81569 13.9961 5.81425C13.9986 5.832 14 5.85023 14 5.86846V12.1315C14 12.1478 13.999 12.1637 13.9971 12.1795ZM13.7686 5.52686C13.7257 5.50959 13.6789 5.5 13.6297 5.5L4.37041 5.50006C4.33617 5.50006 4.30338 5.50486 4.27155 5.5135C4.29229 5.52117 4.31158 5.53316 4.32846 5.549L8.85585 9.71283C8.97448 9.8222 9.15822 9.82172 9.27637 9.71139L13.7382 5.54989C13.7479 5.54077 13.758 5.5331 13.7686 5.52686Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

    </ul>
    <div class="permalink" data-controller="clipboard">
      <p>Share link</p>
      <div class="control -has-addons">
        <input type="text" value="https://themanchildmedia.com/blogs/read/posts/5927942/why-truth-bombs-bring-peace" data-clipboard-target="source" data-share-dialog-target="urlInput" data-action="click->share-dialog#selectUrl" readonly="true">
        <span class="control__suffix">
          <a class="button -simple -compact -icon-only" data-clipboard-target="button" data-action="clipboard#copy">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 16 16" class="icon" width="16px" height="18px"><path d="M4.166.597c-.184 0-.369.15-.369.342v1.365c0 .191.185.341.369.341h9.189v9.216c0 .191.15.342.341.342h1.365c.191 0 .342-.15.342-.342V.94a.338.338 0 00-.342-.342H4.166zm7.44 3.798H.34A.338.338 0 000 4.736v10.923c0 .19.15.341.341.341h10.923c.191 0 .341-.15.341-.341V4.395z" fill-rule="evenodd"></path></svg>
          </a>
        </span>
      </div>
    </div>
  </dialog>
</div></li>
  </ul>

  <p class="post-info"></p>
</footer>


</article>  <article class="post blog-article full-item post-full" data-controller="zoogle-video" data-action="message@window-&gt;zoogle-video#handleVimeoPostMessage">
    
<h2 class="heading-secondary heading-blog alt-font">
  <a href="/read/blog/5909811/e3915e59-1b2b-413b-b99a-fec0b8f7d923">The Hidden Cost of Purpose</a>&nbsp;
</h2>

<div class="post">
  <div class="message"><p><img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/368843/7d5d8b8051bd8a245dbf138860374962325668d0/original/img-6199.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_left border_" /></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Everything you love was really hard to get.  It’s why you love it so much. It cost you, so you protect it.  If you lost it, it would crush you. If your wife is the girl of your dreams, you had to chase her.  Your child sleeping upstairs right now? You remember how traumatic an event it was to bring him into this world.  You saw what it cost your wife.<br>Aside from our children being our flesh and blood, we love them so much because every single aspect of their existence is hard on us. Its hard on our time, our money, our emotions, our patience.  Their existence causes us great struggle, and gives our lives great meaning. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small"> I recently came across a program called Heroes and Horses.  They help combat veterans overcome crippling PTSD with a very simple method. <br>DO Really Hard Things. Their mission stopped me in my tracks. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">“To start a new, universally-understood conversation around the necessity of struggle, challenge and perseverance as they relate to creating meaning in one's life<br>- without one, you cannot have the other. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">The life and death importance of struggle manifests in life and death itself.  Doctors are just now realizing the importance of natural birth vs a C section. They’ve found<br>the  stress of going through the birth canal is paramount for a strong immune system. From the very first moments of life, we are demanded to struggle to become strong. <br>For an animal to live it must take the life of another. I don’t know when the last time you had to take the will to live from a creature for your next meal, but it’s not an easy<br>and fast food experience.    A frictionless experience is a recipe for a meaningless life. To obtain everything and value nothing. Struggle free living creates an expectation<br>that the things I get and experience should be easy to come by.  If it’s hard there must be something wrong, with me or them, something must be wrong. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">You are not bored and sad because you do not have enough, or you do not have your dream job.   You are bored and sad because it wasnt hard enough to get.<br>There’s no value attached to excessive ownership. Your sad because your job doesnt challenge you to be the best version of yourself.   We were told more property<br>meant more happiness. That was never true. The process to get it was where contentment came. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">When we skip  to the front of the line, there’s no worth to weigh against the wait.  No wait, no meaning. No meaning, no happiness. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Check in, ask yourself what you are sidestepping?  What are you trying to avoid? There is struggle there.  There is purpose to be found. The struggle is the tie that<br>binds living creatures and meaning together.  It is the essential balance to save us from ourselves. Make no mistake, to engage in struggle is to wage war on our lesser selves.  No war is more violent than World WAR ME. But like Napolean said, “What is history but a fable agreed upon?” What we do with struggle , writes the story you<br>believe about yourself.</span></p></div>
</div>


<footer class="meta blog-footer clearfix">
    <p class="post-info"><span data-time="2019-09-29T20:12:47-04:00" title="September 29, 2019 20:12">09/29/2019</span></p>

  <ul class="blog-actions pdf__hide">
    <li class="comment-count"><a title="1 comment" class="comment-link button button-secondary" href="/read/blog/e3915e59-1b2b-413b-b99a-fec0b8f7d923#comments">1 comment</a></li>
      <li><div data-controller="share-dialog" data-share-dialog-url-value="https://themanchildmedia.com/blogs/read/posts/5909811/e3915e59-1b2b-413b-b99a-fec0b8f7d923" data-share-dialog-title-value="The Hidden Cost of Purpose" data-share-dialog-text-value="" data-share-dialog-fb-app-id-value="286076425227">
  <a class="button button-tertiary zoogle-share pdf__hide" title="Share The Hidden Cost of Purpose" data-action="click-&gt;share-dialog#open" href="javascript:void(0)">
    <i class="icon-share"></i>Share
</a>
  <dialog data-share-dialog-target="dialog" data-action="click->share-dialog#clickOutside" class="dialog dialog-share style-section-style-1">
    <button class="dialog-close" data-action="click-&gt;share-dialog#close" aria-label="close">
      <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 11 11" class="icon" width="12px" height="12px"><path d="M6.755 5.502l3.836 3.97-1.438 1.39-3.81-3.942-3.926 3.942L0 9.452 3.953 5.48 0 1.39 1.438 0l3.927 4.064L9.41 0l1.417 1.411-4.073 4.091z" fill-rule="evenodd"></path></svg>
</button>    <div class="share_desc">
      <div>
        <span data-share-dialog-target="title">The Hidden Cost of Purpose</span>
        <br>
        <span class="byline" data-share-dialog-target="byline">
        </span>
      </div>
    </div>

    <ul class="share_icons">
      <li class="threads">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="threadsLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="550" data-popup-window-height-value="357" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 36 36" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M36 18C36 8.05887 27.9411 0 18 0C8.05887 0 0 8.05887 0 18C0 27.9411 8.05887 36 18 36C27.9411 36 36 27.9411 36 18ZM23.7524 16.9806C23.8587 17.0263 23.9638 17.074 24.0671 17.1235C25.5284 17.8245 26.597 18.8859 27.1575 20.1926C27.9387 22.0149 28.0101 24.9832 25.6397 27.3514C23.828 29.1615 21.6287 29.9784 18.5087 30H18.4946C14.9852 29.9757 12.2865 28.7948 10.4735 26.4901C8.86024 24.4393 8.02805 21.5855 8.00009 18.0084L8 18L8.00009 17.9916C8.02805 14.4145 8.86024 11.5608 10.4735 9.50991C12.2865 7.20522 14.9852 6.02431 18.4946 6H18.5087C22.0252 6.02439 24.7545 7.20084 26.6206 9.49675C27.5414 10.6295 28.218 11.9953 28.648 13.5803L26.6296 14.1188C26.2749 12.8311 25.7368 11.7267 25.023 10.8485C23.5674 9.05767 21.3735 8.13891 18.5016 8.11756C15.6505 8.13875 13.4942 9.05311 12.0923 10.8353C10.7794 12.5042 10.101 14.9147 10.0757 18C10.101 21.0853 10.7794 23.4958 12.0923 25.1646C13.4942 26.9469 15.6505 27.8612 18.5017 27.8824C21.072 27.8635 22.7728 27.252 24.1876 25.8385C25.8025 24.225 25.7724 22.2459 25.2559 21.0415C24.9521 20.333 24.4021 19.7436 23.66 19.2957C23.4792 20.6429 23.0699 21.712 22.4226 22.537C21.5704 23.6234 20.3487 24.2175 18.7915 24.3029C17.6124 24.3673 16.4778 24.0829 15.5969 23.5014C14.555 22.8135 13.9452 21.7605 13.8799 20.5365C13.7514 18.1235 15.6656 16.3869 18.6431 16.2154C19.7001 16.1548 20.6889 16.2026 21.6031 16.358C21.4818 15.6156 21.2366 15.0274 20.8701 14.6018C20.3665 14.0171 19.5884 13.7173 18.5572 13.7107L18.5286 13.7106C17.7006 13.7106 16.5765 13.9423 15.8601 15.0291L14.1378 13.8476C15.0966 12.3926 16.6546 11.593 18.5278 11.593L18.5702 11.5931C21.702 11.6131 23.5671 13.5673 23.7524 16.9806ZM15.9524 20.4215C16.0193 21.6761 17.3751 22.2619 18.6801 22.1884C19.9578 22.1182 21.408 21.6169 21.6553 18.5291C20.9924 18.3842 20.2633 18.3085 19.4839 18.3085C19.247 18.3085 19.0059 18.3154 18.7602 18.3296C16.6145 18.4533 15.9029 19.4913 15.9524 20.4215Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="facebook">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="facebookLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="550" data-popup-window-height-value="357" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 18 18" class="icon"><path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M9 0a9 9 0 110 18A9 9 0 019 0zm2.606 4H10.24c-1.575 0-2.17.77-2.215 2.076l-.002.166v1.034H7V9h1.023V14h2.046V9h1.365l.181-1.724H10.07l.003-.862c0-.417.036-.655.553-.687l.128-.003h.853V4z"></path></svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="twitter">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="twitterLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="685" data-popup-window-height-value="246" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 36 36" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M36 18C36 8.05887 27.9411 0 18 0C8.05887 0 0 8.05887 0 18C0 27.9411 8.05887 36 18 36C27.9411 36 36 27.9411 36 18ZM26.4163 9L19.7142 16.6226L27.0001 27H21.6396L16.7316 20.0104L10.5876 27H9L16.0278 19.0075L9 9H14.3604L19.0068 15.6173L24.8287 9H26.4163ZM13.5996 10.1714H11.1606L22.3878 25.8861H24.8275L13.5996 10.1714Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="email">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="emailLink" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 18 18" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" clip-rule="evenodd" d="M18 9C18 4.02944 13.9706 0 9 0C4.02944 0 0 4.02944 0 9C0 13.9706 4.02944 18 9 18C13.9706 18 18 13.9706 18 9ZM4.02511 5.73566C4.00872 5.77691 4.00004 5.82153 4.00004 5.86854L4 12.1317C4 12.1897 4.0135 12.2449 4.03762 12.2938C4.04581 12.2775 4.05691 12.2621 4.07041 12.2482L7.39793 8.87439L4.0772 5.81961C4.05116 5.79611 4.0338 5.76684 4.02511 5.73566ZM4.34327 12.4991L4.34195 12.499L7.67 9.12427L8.60412 9.98343C8.86598 10.2242 9.26962 10.2228 9.52956 9.98007L10.4564 9.11563L13.768 12.4736C13.7251 12.4904 13.6783 12.5 13.6296 12.5H4.3704C4.3612 12.5 4.35243 12.4996 4.34327 12.4991ZM13.9971 12.1795L10.727 8.86376L13.9913 5.81857C13.9932 5.81713 13.9947 5.81569 13.9961 5.81425C13.9986 5.832 14 5.85023 14 5.86846V12.1315C14 12.1478 13.999 12.1637 13.9971 12.1795ZM13.7686 5.52686C13.7257 5.50959 13.6789 5.5 13.6297 5.5L4.37041 5.50006C4.33617 5.50006 4.30338 5.50486 4.27155 5.5135C4.29229 5.52117 4.31158 5.53316 4.32846 5.549L8.85585 9.71283C8.97448 9.8222 9.15822 9.82172 9.27637 9.71139L13.7382 5.54989C13.7479 5.54077 13.758 5.5331 13.7686 5.52686Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

    </ul>
    <div class="permalink" data-controller="clipboard">
      <p>Share link</p>
      <div class="control -has-addons">
        <input type="text" value="https://themanchildmedia.com/blogs/read/posts/5909811/e3915e59-1b2b-413b-b99a-fec0b8f7d923" data-clipboard-target="source" data-share-dialog-target="urlInput" data-action="click->share-dialog#selectUrl" readonly="true">
        <span class="control__suffix">
          <a class="button -simple -compact -icon-only" data-clipboard-target="button" data-action="clipboard#copy">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 16 16" class="icon" width="16px" height="18px"><path d="M4.166.597c-.184 0-.369.15-.369.342v1.365c0 .191.185.341.369.341h9.189v9.216c0 .191.15.342.341.342h1.365c.191 0 .342-.15.342-.342V.94a.338.338 0 00-.342-.342H4.166zm7.44 3.798H.34A.338.338 0 000 4.736v10.923c0 .19.15.341.341.341h10.923c.191 0 .341-.15.341-.341V4.395z" fill-rule="evenodd"></path></svg>
          </a>
        </span>
      </div>
    </div>
  </dialog>
</div></li>
  </ul>

  <p class="post-info"></p>
</footer>


</article>  <article class="post blog-article full-item post-full" data-controller="zoogle-video" data-action="message@window-&gt;zoogle-video#handleVimeoPostMessage">
    
<h2 class="heading-secondary heading-blog alt-font">
  <a href="/read/blog/5872146/why-your-kid-s-not-tough">Why Your Kid&#39;s Not Tough</a>&nbsp;
</h2>

<div class="post">
  <div class="message"><p> </p>
<p><img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/368843/c22ee8c8170f4fc8195d331c916c54696b11d3e8/original/tough.jpg/!!/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p><br><span class="font_small">A popular thing to say right now is “kids are soft.”  No they’re not. Kids didn’t suddenly start arriving on earth differently. <br>You still have to do the same things to make a child. They still take 9 months to cook.  Kids didn’t change, parents have.<br><br>Here’s how. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Toughness is understanding that what I’m doing is more important than how I feel.  It is solely reliant on your brain's<br>assessment of “is this worth it?” The remote is across the living room.  How much do I want to watch tv? I don't want to<br>go to work today. How much do I want my kids to have a place to live? </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Humans do not make themselves uncomfortable without reason.  They have to believe it’s worth it. Before you tell your<br>kid to be tough ask yourself if you have given them a reason to be.    Kids lack toughness not because they’ve<br>fundamentally changed. They’re soft because we as parents, coaches, teachers and leaders are distracted.   It takes time<br>and energy to show our kids why something is worth the trouble. It takes patience to watch them struggle with a challenge.<br>It takes our undivided attention to not give them an easy way out.   Why did we change? Because it’s easier. There’s<br>less push back from your kid when you let him or her do whatever they want. Less pushback makes for an easier day<br>for you. Your kid isnt as tough as you think they should be because you aren’t. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small"> Mental weakness is a lack of understood value in being uncomfortable. If we fail to connect the dots of their discomfort<br>to the destinations of their desire, we cannot expect to find resilience and grit on display.  We are going about toughness<br>from the wrong end. We want desired behavior without probable cause for it. We want our kids willing to suffer and resilient<br>to bounce back from a setback. But we don't do anything to show them what's worth fighting for.  Toughness depends<br>on value. HIgh Value, high sacrifice. Low Value, low sacrifice </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Start here.  Find your kid’s heart.  What endeavor of substance (not fortnite) does he or she lights up to?  What do they<br>want to do without you telling them? What do they initiate on their own?  There is value there for them. Now connect<br>struggles they want to avoid the thing they value.  Show them the struggle is the GPS system to what they want. Your kids<br>wants ice cream. Your kid is shy.  Make your kid order the ice cream. If they want ice cream more than they dont want to<br>talk to strangers, they’ll do it. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">That little task is something psychologists call guided pain mastery experience.  Small challenges demanding us to<br>encounter things we don’t believe we are capable of.  These brief consistent encounters slide experiences from the<br>uncomfortable to the competent.  This is how skill sets are built. Struggles, edured via the use of toughness. This is not<br>possible without VALUE understood. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Communicate how this discomfort  gets them what they want. If your kid runs his sprints hard at soccer because you’re<br>screaming at him, it’s not because he wants to be a great soccer player,  he’s just avoiding conflict with you. As soon<br>as you are removed from the equation your kid will be loafing. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">Toughness Takeaway:  Start with Value, connect value to avoided struggle.  Don't Bail them out. No matter what, no<br>bail out. They want it, they do what’s necessary to get it.  NO WORK NO PAY. Their brain WILL Adapt. The beauty in<br>struggle is realizing we need it. When you and your child recieve the gift of struggle.. You both are tough. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_small">That… Is Struggling Well</span></p></div>
</div>


<footer class="meta blog-footer clearfix">
    <p class="post-info"><span data-time="2019-08-27T19:11:53-04:00" title="August 27, 2019 19:11">08/27/2019</span></p>

  <ul class="blog-actions pdf__hide">
    <li class="comment-count"><a title="1 comment" class="comment-link button button-secondary" href="/read/blog/why-your-kid-s-not-tough#comments">1 comment</a></li>
      <li><div data-controller="share-dialog" data-share-dialog-url-value="https://themanchildmedia.com/blogs/read/posts/5872146/why-your-kid-s-not-tough" data-share-dialog-title-value="Why Your Kid&#39;s Not Tough" data-share-dialog-text-value="" data-share-dialog-fb-app-id-value="286076425227">
  <a class="button button-tertiary zoogle-share pdf__hide" title="Share Why Your Kid&#39;s Not Tough" data-action="click-&gt;share-dialog#open" href="javascript:void(0)">
    <i class="icon-share"></i>Share
</a>
  <dialog data-share-dialog-target="dialog" data-action="click->share-dialog#clickOutside" class="dialog dialog-share style-section-style-1">
    <button class="dialog-close" data-action="click-&gt;share-dialog#close" aria-label="close">
      <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 11 11" class="icon" width="12px" height="12px"><path d="M6.755 5.502l3.836 3.97-1.438 1.39-3.81-3.942-3.926 3.942L0 9.452 3.953 5.48 0 1.39 1.438 0l3.927 4.064L9.41 0l1.417 1.411-4.073 4.091z" fill-rule="evenodd"></path></svg>
</button>    <div class="share_desc">
      <div>
        <span data-share-dialog-target="title">Why Your Kid&#39;s Not Tough</span>
        <br>
        <span class="byline" data-share-dialog-target="byline">
        </span>
      </div>
    </div>

    <ul class="share_icons">
      <li class="threads">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="threadsLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="550" data-popup-window-height-value="357" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 36 36" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M36 18C36 8.05887 27.9411 0 18 0C8.05887 0 0 8.05887 0 18C0 27.9411 8.05887 36 18 36C27.9411 36 36 27.9411 36 18ZM23.7524 16.9806C23.8587 17.0263 23.9638 17.074 24.0671 17.1235C25.5284 17.8245 26.597 18.8859 27.1575 20.1926C27.9387 22.0149 28.0101 24.9832 25.6397 27.3514C23.828 29.1615 21.6287 29.9784 18.5087 30H18.4946C14.9852 29.9757 12.2865 28.7948 10.4735 26.4901C8.86024 24.4393 8.02805 21.5855 8.00009 18.0084L8 18L8.00009 17.9916C8.02805 14.4145 8.86024 11.5608 10.4735 9.50991C12.2865 7.20522 14.9852 6.02431 18.4946 6H18.5087C22.0252 6.02439 24.7545 7.20084 26.6206 9.49675C27.5414 10.6295 28.218 11.9953 28.648 13.5803L26.6296 14.1188C26.2749 12.8311 25.7368 11.7267 25.023 10.8485C23.5674 9.05767 21.3735 8.13891 18.5016 8.11756C15.6505 8.13875 13.4942 9.05311 12.0923 10.8353C10.7794 12.5042 10.101 14.9147 10.0757 18C10.101 21.0853 10.7794 23.4958 12.0923 25.1646C13.4942 26.9469 15.6505 27.8612 18.5017 27.8824C21.072 27.8635 22.7728 27.252 24.1876 25.8385C25.8025 24.225 25.7724 22.2459 25.2559 21.0415C24.9521 20.333 24.4021 19.7436 23.66 19.2957C23.4792 20.6429 23.0699 21.712 22.4226 22.537C21.5704 23.6234 20.3487 24.2175 18.7915 24.3029C17.6124 24.3673 16.4778 24.0829 15.5969 23.5014C14.555 22.8135 13.9452 21.7605 13.8799 20.5365C13.7514 18.1235 15.6656 16.3869 18.6431 16.2154C19.7001 16.1548 20.6889 16.2026 21.6031 16.358C21.4818 15.6156 21.2366 15.0274 20.8701 14.6018C20.3665 14.0171 19.5884 13.7173 18.5572 13.7107L18.5286 13.7106C17.7006 13.7106 16.5765 13.9423 15.8601 15.0291L14.1378 13.8476C15.0966 12.3926 16.6546 11.593 18.5278 11.593L18.5702 11.5931C21.702 11.6131 23.5671 13.5673 23.7524 16.9806ZM15.9524 20.4215C16.0193 21.6761 17.3751 22.2619 18.6801 22.1884C19.9578 22.1182 21.408 21.6169 21.6553 18.5291C20.9924 18.3842 20.2633 18.3085 19.4839 18.3085C19.247 18.3085 19.0059 18.3154 18.7602 18.3296C16.6145 18.4533 15.9029 19.4913 15.9524 20.4215Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="facebook">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="facebookLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="550" data-popup-window-height-value="357" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 18 18" class="icon"><path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M9 0a9 9 0 110 18A9 9 0 019 0zm2.606 4H10.24c-1.575 0-2.17.77-2.215 2.076l-.002.166v1.034H7V9h1.023V14h2.046V9h1.365l.181-1.724H10.07l.003-.862c0-.417.036-.655.553-.687l.128-.003h.853V4z"></path></svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="twitter">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="twitterLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="685" data-popup-window-height-value="246" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 36 36" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M36 18C36 8.05887 27.9411 0 18 0C8.05887 0 0 8.05887 0 18C0 27.9411 8.05887 36 18 36C27.9411 36 36 27.9411 36 18ZM26.4163 9L19.7142 16.6226L27.0001 27H21.6396L16.7316 20.0104L10.5876 27H9L16.0278 19.0075L9 9H14.3604L19.0068 15.6173L24.8287 9H26.4163ZM13.5996 10.1714H11.1606L22.3878 25.8861H24.8275L13.5996 10.1714Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="email">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="emailLink" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 18 18" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" clip-rule="evenodd" d="M18 9C18 4.02944 13.9706 0 9 0C4.02944 0 0 4.02944 0 9C0 13.9706 4.02944 18 9 18C13.9706 18 18 13.9706 18 9ZM4.02511 5.73566C4.00872 5.77691 4.00004 5.82153 4.00004 5.86854L4 12.1317C4 12.1897 4.0135 12.2449 4.03762 12.2938C4.04581 12.2775 4.05691 12.2621 4.07041 12.2482L7.39793 8.87439L4.0772 5.81961C4.05116 5.79611 4.0338 5.76684 4.02511 5.73566ZM4.34327 12.4991L4.34195 12.499L7.67 9.12427L8.60412 9.98343C8.86598 10.2242 9.26962 10.2228 9.52956 9.98007L10.4564 9.11563L13.768 12.4736C13.7251 12.4904 13.6783 12.5 13.6296 12.5H4.3704C4.3612 12.5 4.35243 12.4996 4.34327 12.4991ZM13.9971 12.1795L10.727 8.86376L13.9913 5.81857C13.9932 5.81713 13.9947 5.81569 13.9961 5.81425C13.9986 5.832 14 5.85023 14 5.86846V12.1315C14 12.1478 13.999 12.1637 13.9971 12.1795ZM13.7686 5.52686C13.7257 5.50959 13.6789 5.5 13.6297 5.5L4.37041 5.50006C4.33617 5.50006 4.30338 5.50486 4.27155 5.5135C4.29229 5.52117 4.31158 5.53316 4.32846 5.549L8.85585 9.71283C8.97448 9.8222 9.15822 9.82172 9.27637 9.71139L13.7382 5.54989C13.7479 5.54077 13.758 5.5331 13.7686 5.52686Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

    </ul>
    <div class="permalink" data-controller="clipboard">
      <p>Share link</p>
      <div class="control -has-addons">
        <input type="text" value="https://themanchildmedia.com/blogs/read/posts/5872146/why-your-kid-s-not-tough" data-clipboard-target="source" data-share-dialog-target="urlInput" data-action="click->share-dialog#selectUrl" readonly="true">
        <span class="control__suffix">
          <a class="button -simple -compact -icon-only" data-clipboard-target="button" data-action="clipboard#copy">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 16 16" class="icon" width="16px" height="18px"><path d="M4.166.597c-.184 0-.369.15-.369.342v1.365c0 .191.185.341.369.341h9.189v9.216c0 .191.15.342.341.342h1.365c.191 0 .342-.15.342-.342V.94a.338.338 0 00-.342-.342H4.166zm7.44 3.798H.34A.338.338 0 000 4.736v10.923c0 .19.15.341.341.341h10.923c.191 0 .341-.15.341-.341V4.395z" fill-rule="evenodd"></path></svg>
          </a>
        </span>
      </div>
    </div>
  </dialog>
</div></li>
  </ul>

  <p class="post-info"></p>
</footer>


</article>  <article class="post blog-article full-item post-full" data-controller="zoogle-video" data-action="message@window-&gt;zoogle-video#handleVimeoPostMessage">
    
<h2 class="heading-secondary heading-blog alt-font">
  <a href="/read/blog/5852109/hard-s-not-wrong">Hard&#39;s Not Wrong</a>&nbsp;
</h2>

<div class="post">
  <div class="message"><p><img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/368843/f59d80eea4131545bc42f4b87620e3ed43c20bdb/original/img-3585.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.png" class="size_m justify_left border_" /></p>
<p>The way we think doesn’t get shaped overnight.  It comes from years of experiences. Then the strories we tell ourselves about those experience.  Those stories build a belief system that suggests to us, this is how the world works. Let’s pause for a moment and think about how important and dangerous this trait of ours is.  One part of the world looks at a crop damaging storm as a combination of cold fronts slamming into hot air, while another group of people are convinced the gods have cursed them and child sacrifice is the only way to make the wheat grow again. </p>
<p>Ten years of observing athletes at every level I’ve come to this conclusion.  How they think is their biggest skill set. The way they receive information exposed to them.   I believe the meaning they place to what’s happening to them is the agent to all of their behavior.  Let me explain what I mean. </p>
<p>It was my first year as a head strength coach and I thought  I was God’s gift to strength and conditioning. We did all the cool kid stuff, appropriate demand, undulating programing, readiness questionnaires, rate of perceived exertion, the whole shebang a “great” coach does.  We were strong, lean and could run for days. I did my job right? I couldn’t wait to tell everyone how smart I was. </p>
<p>That season we went on to get our heads kicked in for 12 weeks.  I watched “tough” guys quit, “Great kids” refuse to practice. Apathy blanketed the organization and it physically hurt to come in to work every day just a couple months removed from the “best offseason of training ever.”  We didn’t have a physical issue, or a lack of talent, we had a mindset epidemic. The way our team viewed the world was poisonous, especially for the adversity that was to come like a flash flood no one forecasted. Like the upside down in Hawkins Indiana (Stranger Things reference) it had been building for years right under our nose and no one knew it existed.   Three seasons of 10 plus wins a year payed for by uperclassmen who had since moved on started to shape a certain way of thinking. Winning was easy because we were better than everyone and that’s just what we do. The prior experiences shaped the younger players born into all the winning into believing “if you’re really good at something, results come easy.” It’s the perfect recipe for getting punched in the mouth and blaming God for your misery when real competition shows up.  The players where like the grandsons to a fortune five hundred company. Accustomed to the wealth but ignorant to the struggle that paid for it all. I had failed to show them who paid, and how much it cost. My first real lesson as a coach was clear, hard aint wrong and easy isn’t right. People need to struggle and they need guided feedback of why they struggled. When people experience improvement through struggle they start to respect the strain. The more they respect the process it took to get there, the more  value they perceive in the result. It’s why construction contractors don’t BS other construction contractors. The real ones know what it costs to get the job done. And little haggling has to take place or price. But someone naive to the blood sweat and tears paid for the results at hand, finds it difficult to understand why it’s so expensive. </p>
<p>Angela Duckworth, bestselling  author and the world’s leading researcher in GRIT atPenn University told me our brains turn off or on based on our experiences with pain at an early age.  In a way too short synopsis of the research, the gist of it is this. Kids exposed to “random acts of mental violence,” extreme poverty, verbal and physical abuse start to take a certain view of the world.  They start to believe the world is a cold, hateful place and they might as well get what they can from people before they get them. The pain experiences can be so potent that parts of the brain responsible for pain shut down as a defense mechanism, (emotional shock if you will)..  Consequently that part of the brain is also responsible for feeling empathy and compassion for others. In just a few years of adolescence we have the perfect recipe for creating cut throats, Pirates that only care about themselves, because survival is their only interest. How as coaches, or teachers or pastors do we help people that are only interested in survival, care about things like empathy for others, and a  strong work ethic. </p>
<p>It seems counterintuitive, but the answer, more strain, more discomfort. To take a human whose experienced this much trauma and take them through more strain seems almost cruel.  Let me explain, Duckworth went on to describe a term known as pain mastery experiences. Pain and discomfort itself are not the damagers to the brain.  It was the painful event’s randomness and the child’s perceived lack of control over the event that caused the neurological event. </p>
<p>We have take people through small consistent encounters with discomfort. Ones where they are always the master of their own fate. They can stop or prolong their discomfort with their actions.  Slowly over time, the brain begins to rewire the circuits into a belief system that they are in control. I’ve witnessed this beautiful paradigm shift. I’ve witnessed kids become more resilient because they believed they are in the drivers seat.  They make things happen, things dont happen to them. The transaction of their lives is no longer contingent on what people might do to them so they are much more likely to allow themselves to trust one another. If you can take away one thing let it be this.  Pain and discomfort are not the enemies of happiness and love, they are the compass to them when applied with expertise. In the next article we will go in depth as to just what that looks like and how to be the guide to make your child, students and athletes the hero again.</p></div>
</div>


<footer class="meta blog-footer clearfix">
    <p class="post-info"><span data-time="2019-08-08T20:37:42-04:00" title="August 08, 2019 20:37">08/08/2019</span></p>

  <ul class="blog-actions pdf__hide">
    <li class="comment-count"><a title="Leave a comment" class="comment-link button button-secondary" href="/read/blog/hard-s-not-wrong#comments">Leave a comment</a></li>
      <li><div data-controller="share-dialog" data-share-dialog-url-value="https://themanchildmedia.com/blogs/read/posts/5852109/hard-s-not-wrong" data-share-dialog-title-value="Hard&#39;s Not Wrong" data-share-dialog-text-value="" data-share-dialog-fb-app-id-value="286076425227">
  <a class="button button-tertiary zoogle-share pdf__hide" title="Share Hard&#39;s Not Wrong" data-action="click-&gt;share-dialog#open" href="javascript:void(0)">
    <i class="icon-share"></i>Share
</a>
  <dialog data-share-dialog-target="dialog" data-action="click->share-dialog#clickOutside" class="dialog dialog-share style-section-style-1">
    <button class="dialog-close" data-action="click-&gt;share-dialog#close" aria-label="close">
      <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 11 11" class="icon" width="12px" height="12px"><path d="M6.755 5.502l3.836 3.97-1.438 1.39-3.81-3.942-3.926 3.942L0 9.452 3.953 5.48 0 1.39 1.438 0l3.927 4.064L9.41 0l1.417 1.411-4.073 4.091z" fill-rule="evenodd"></path></svg>
</button>    <div class="share_desc">
      <div>
        <span data-share-dialog-target="title">Hard&#39;s Not Wrong</span>
        <br>
        <span class="byline" data-share-dialog-target="byline">
        </span>
      </div>
    </div>

    <ul class="share_icons">
      <li class="threads">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="threadsLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="550" data-popup-window-height-value="357" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 36 36" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M36 18C36 8.05887 27.9411 0 18 0C8.05887 0 0 8.05887 0 18C0 27.9411 8.05887 36 18 36C27.9411 36 36 27.9411 36 18ZM23.7524 16.9806C23.8587 17.0263 23.9638 17.074 24.0671 17.1235C25.5284 17.8245 26.597 18.8859 27.1575 20.1926C27.9387 22.0149 28.0101 24.9832 25.6397 27.3514C23.828 29.1615 21.6287 29.9784 18.5087 30H18.4946C14.9852 29.9757 12.2865 28.7948 10.4735 26.4901C8.86024 24.4393 8.02805 21.5855 8.00009 18.0084L8 18L8.00009 17.9916C8.02805 14.4145 8.86024 11.5608 10.4735 9.50991C12.2865 7.20522 14.9852 6.02431 18.4946 6H18.5087C22.0252 6.02439 24.7545 7.20084 26.6206 9.49675C27.5414 10.6295 28.218 11.9953 28.648 13.5803L26.6296 14.1188C26.2749 12.8311 25.7368 11.7267 25.023 10.8485C23.5674 9.05767 21.3735 8.13891 18.5016 8.11756C15.6505 8.13875 13.4942 9.05311 12.0923 10.8353C10.7794 12.5042 10.101 14.9147 10.0757 18C10.101 21.0853 10.7794 23.4958 12.0923 25.1646C13.4942 26.9469 15.6505 27.8612 18.5017 27.8824C21.072 27.8635 22.7728 27.252 24.1876 25.8385C25.8025 24.225 25.7724 22.2459 25.2559 21.0415C24.9521 20.333 24.4021 19.7436 23.66 19.2957C23.4792 20.6429 23.0699 21.712 22.4226 22.537C21.5704 23.6234 20.3487 24.2175 18.7915 24.3029C17.6124 24.3673 16.4778 24.0829 15.5969 23.5014C14.555 22.8135 13.9452 21.7605 13.8799 20.5365C13.7514 18.1235 15.6656 16.3869 18.6431 16.2154C19.7001 16.1548 20.6889 16.2026 21.6031 16.358C21.4818 15.6156 21.2366 15.0274 20.8701 14.6018C20.3665 14.0171 19.5884 13.7173 18.5572 13.7107L18.5286 13.7106C17.7006 13.7106 16.5765 13.9423 15.8601 15.0291L14.1378 13.8476C15.0966 12.3926 16.6546 11.593 18.5278 11.593L18.5702 11.5931C21.702 11.6131 23.5671 13.5673 23.7524 16.9806ZM15.9524 20.4215C16.0193 21.6761 17.3751 22.2619 18.6801 22.1884C19.9578 22.1182 21.408 21.6169 21.6553 18.5291C20.9924 18.3842 20.2633 18.3085 19.4839 18.3085C19.247 18.3085 19.0059 18.3154 18.7602 18.3296C16.6145 18.4533 15.9029 19.4913 15.9524 20.4215Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="facebook">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="facebookLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="550" data-popup-window-height-value="357" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 18 18" class="icon"><path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M9 0a9 9 0 110 18A9 9 0 019 0zm2.606 4H10.24c-1.575 0-2.17.77-2.215 2.076l-.002.166v1.034H7V9h1.023V14h2.046V9h1.365l.181-1.724H10.07l.003-.862c0-.417.036-.655.553-.687l.128-.003h.853V4z"></path></svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="twitter">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="twitterLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="685" data-popup-window-height-value="246" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 36 36" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M36 18C36 8.05887 27.9411 0 18 0C8.05887 0 0 8.05887 0 18C0 27.9411 8.05887 36 18 36C27.9411 36 36 27.9411 36 18ZM26.4163 9L19.7142 16.6226L27.0001 27H21.6396L16.7316 20.0104L10.5876 27H9L16.0278 19.0075L9 9H14.3604L19.0068 15.6173L24.8287 9H26.4163ZM13.5996 10.1714H11.1606L22.3878 25.8861H24.8275L13.5996 10.1714Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="email">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="emailLink" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 18 18" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" clip-rule="evenodd" d="M18 9C18 4.02944 13.9706 0 9 0C4.02944 0 0 4.02944 0 9C0 13.9706 4.02944 18 9 18C13.9706 18 18 13.9706 18 9ZM4.02511 5.73566C4.00872 5.77691 4.00004 5.82153 4.00004 5.86854L4 12.1317C4 12.1897 4.0135 12.2449 4.03762 12.2938C4.04581 12.2775 4.05691 12.2621 4.07041 12.2482L7.39793 8.87439L4.0772 5.81961C4.05116 5.79611 4.0338 5.76684 4.02511 5.73566ZM4.34327 12.4991L4.34195 12.499L7.67 9.12427L8.60412 9.98343C8.86598 10.2242 9.26962 10.2228 9.52956 9.98007L10.4564 9.11563L13.768 12.4736C13.7251 12.4904 13.6783 12.5 13.6296 12.5H4.3704C4.3612 12.5 4.35243 12.4996 4.34327 12.4991ZM13.9971 12.1795L10.727 8.86376L13.9913 5.81857C13.9932 5.81713 13.9947 5.81569 13.9961 5.81425C13.9986 5.832 14 5.85023 14 5.86846V12.1315C14 12.1478 13.999 12.1637 13.9971 12.1795ZM13.7686 5.52686C13.7257 5.50959 13.6789 5.5 13.6297 5.5L4.37041 5.50006C4.33617 5.50006 4.30338 5.50486 4.27155 5.5135C4.29229 5.52117 4.31158 5.53316 4.32846 5.549L8.85585 9.71283C8.97448 9.8222 9.15822 9.82172 9.27637 9.71139L13.7382 5.54989C13.7479 5.54077 13.758 5.5331 13.7686 5.52686Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

    </ul>
    <div class="permalink" data-controller="clipboard">
      <p>Share link</p>
      <div class="control -has-addons">
        <input type="text" value="https://themanchildmedia.com/blogs/read/posts/5852109/hard-s-not-wrong" data-clipboard-target="source" data-share-dialog-target="urlInput" data-action="click->share-dialog#selectUrl" readonly="true">
        <span class="control__suffix">
          <a class="button -simple -compact -icon-only" data-clipboard-target="button" data-action="clipboard#copy">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 16 16" class="icon" width="16px" height="18px"><path d="M4.166.597c-.184 0-.369.15-.369.342v1.365c0 .191.185.341.369.341h9.189v9.216c0 .191.15.342.341.342h1.365c.191 0 .342-.15.342-.342V.94a.338.338 0 00-.342-.342H4.166zm7.44 3.798H.34A.338.338 0 000 4.736v10.923c0 .19.15.341.341.341h10.923c.191 0 .341-.15.341-.341V4.395z" fill-rule="evenodd"></path></svg>
          </a>
        </span>
      </div>
    </div>
  </dialog>
</div></li>
  </ul>

  <p class="post-info"></p>
</footer>


</article>  <article class="post blog-article full-item post-full" data-controller="zoogle-video" data-action="message@window-&gt;zoogle-video#handleVimeoPostMessage">
    
<h2 class="heading-secondary heading-blog alt-font">
  <a href="/read/blog/5808142/compared-to-what">Compared To What? </a>&nbsp;
</h2>

<div class="post">
  <div class="message"><p> </p>
<p><img src="//images.zoogletools.com/u/368843/593f50702f3c4ae0ae6eaa1f7d74ca638bd0fb0a/original/img-3211.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_left border_" />Have you ever had your dream come true?  Then turn into a nightmare.  Has your biggest fear ever become a reality.  All of this is a very recent and very real experience for me.  Long, long story short is this.  I got my dream job, things got very complicated, I made mistakes, others made mistakes, and now I don’t work at my dream job anymore.  Traumatic? yes.  Disappointing?  An understatement.  The worst of all of it though if I am being very honest.  The anxious notion of being a failure.  As a rehabilitating people pleaser, and affirmation addict, the thought of people thinking I’m a failure haunts me to the point of paranoia. </p>
<p>I have a hunch where all my new found grief grows.  Like mold in a damp basement it festers in comparing myself about everything to everyone all the time.  In another article I’ll have to explain the origins of my need to be impressive.  For now lets just say my job was always my ace in the hole.  All I had to do was drop the line I worked in major college football or the NFL and boom, I was impressive. I felt good about myself.  Sean Webb wrote a book called Mind Hacking Happiness.  He reports the brain makes sense of the world through a lens of the self in relation to the environment and what’s happening.  Everything that happens, the brain must decide what this means to the self.  Happiness therefore is the simple equation of: OUTCOME - EXPECTATIONS = LEVEL OF HAPPINESS </p>
<p>Let that sink in,  all events filter through the brain applying meaning in comparison to the brain’s expectations.  How this event stacks up to our expectations decides what emotion the self should feel.  Exceed expectations? Feel happy and proud.    Fail to meet expectations?  Feel angry and defeated. </p>
<p>Neuroscientists documented that most brain activity is spent on predicting the future, so it can choose an action to take.  Now, put that brain in 2019.  A place where  every other brain it meets constantly reports how well things are going for it by showing that brain a picture of their brain’s feet next to the ocean.  Or how much weight their brain’s body lost.  Or how much money their brain’s body’s job got them and they were able to buy a boat or whatever. </p>
<p>Our brains are taking all this information and using as data to form an expectation to feel what it wants to feel.  I want to be happy.  I need my feet by the ocean,  I need a big truck with a back up camera, I need to be tan and have those v cut things that go down towards my crotch.  Now predict the future.  “What if I don’t get to the beach? What if I can’t afford it? Why can’t I make enough money?  Am I not smart enough?  If I worked hard I could look like that with my shirt off, but I guess I’m just a lazy turd.” The thought pattern slams into the created expectations like a cold front in the Ohio Valley and the elicited emotional response… Anxiety, life altering, paralyzing anxiety.  Sure we can go for a walk, or take hot yoga, all proven to reduce anxiety.  But it’s merely ibuprofen for the infection.  We need antibiotics, we need an understanding of how our brain works, and a paradigm shift in where we find our value </p>
<p>I love to coach.  There’s nothing wrong with that.  My worth dependent on the logo on my shirt and the conference of my team, is.    Galations 6:4 says “don’t compare yourself to others, just look at your own work and see if there is anything to be proud of.”  Scripture isn’t written to give us more rules to follow.   The verse knows that comparison is the thief of joy.  The gravity of the whole exchange zig zags and effects more than us.   Our children absorb the emotions we radiate.  They’re learning coping mechanisms by watching us cope.   If we want to give our children a healthy way of living, we have to start with what we are comparing ourselves with, what we think happy is, and what we think we should be doing.  So I’m working on the hard stuff.  I’m struggling and not always well.  This chapter has been anything but impressive to anyone.  And that’s okay.  Malcolm Gladwell recently said in his podcast Revisionist History, “The easiest thing in the world is to look at our mistakes and condemn. The much harder thing is to look at those mistakes and understand. Mistakes reveal our vulnerabilities, they are the way the world understands us, they make our performances real.”  Lets scoop each other up when we fall on our face.  Lets tell them how great they looked the moment they were flying before they hit their face.  Because in that moment, they looked like themself.</p></div>
</div>


<footer class="meta blog-footer clearfix">
    <p class="post-info"><span data-time="2019-06-28T22:51:42-04:00" title="June 28, 2019 22:51">06/28/2019</span></p>

  <ul class="blog-actions pdf__hide">
    <li class="comment-count"><a title="2 comments" class="comment-link button button-secondary" href="/read/blog/compared-to-what#comments">2 comments</a></li>
      <li><div data-controller="share-dialog" data-share-dialog-url-value="https://themanchildmedia.com/blogs/read/posts/5808142/compared-to-what" data-share-dialog-title-value="Compared To What? " data-share-dialog-text-value="" data-share-dialog-fb-app-id-value="286076425227">
  <a class="button button-tertiary zoogle-share pdf__hide" title="Share Compared To What? " data-action="click-&gt;share-dialog#open" href="javascript:void(0)">
    <i class="icon-share"></i>Share
</a>
  <dialog data-share-dialog-target="dialog" data-action="click->share-dialog#clickOutside" class="dialog dialog-share style-section-style-1">
    <button class="dialog-close" data-action="click-&gt;share-dialog#close" aria-label="close">
      <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 11 11" class="icon" width="12px" height="12px"><path d="M6.755 5.502l3.836 3.97-1.438 1.39-3.81-3.942-3.926 3.942L0 9.452 3.953 5.48 0 1.39 1.438 0l3.927 4.064L9.41 0l1.417 1.411-4.073 4.091z" fill-rule="evenodd"></path></svg>
</button>    <div class="share_desc">
      <div>
        <span data-share-dialog-target="title">Compared To What? </span>
        <br>
        <span class="byline" data-share-dialog-target="byline">
        </span>
      </div>
    </div>

    <ul class="share_icons">
      <li class="threads">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="threadsLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="550" data-popup-window-height-value="357" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 36 36" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M36 18C36 8.05887 27.9411 0 18 0C8.05887 0 0 8.05887 0 18C0 27.9411 8.05887 36 18 36C27.9411 36 36 27.9411 36 18ZM23.7524 16.9806C23.8587 17.0263 23.9638 17.074 24.0671 17.1235C25.5284 17.8245 26.597 18.8859 27.1575 20.1926C27.9387 22.0149 28.0101 24.9832 25.6397 27.3514C23.828 29.1615 21.6287 29.9784 18.5087 30H18.4946C14.9852 29.9757 12.2865 28.7948 10.4735 26.4901C8.86024 24.4393 8.02805 21.5855 8.00009 18.0084L8 18L8.00009 17.9916C8.02805 14.4145 8.86024 11.5608 10.4735 9.50991C12.2865 7.20522 14.9852 6.02431 18.4946 6H18.5087C22.0252 6.02439 24.7545 7.20084 26.6206 9.49675C27.5414 10.6295 28.218 11.9953 28.648 13.5803L26.6296 14.1188C26.2749 12.8311 25.7368 11.7267 25.023 10.8485C23.5674 9.05767 21.3735 8.13891 18.5016 8.11756C15.6505 8.13875 13.4942 9.05311 12.0923 10.8353C10.7794 12.5042 10.101 14.9147 10.0757 18C10.101 21.0853 10.7794 23.4958 12.0923 25.1646C13.4942 26.9469 15.6505 27.8612 18.5017 27.8824C21.072 27.8635 22.7728 27.252 24.1876 25.8385C25.8025 24.225 25.7724 22.2459 25.2559 21.0415C24.9521 20.333 24.4021 19.7436 23.66 19.2957C23.4792 20.6429 23.0699 21.712 22.4226 22.537C21.5704 23.6234 20.3487 24.2175 18.7915 24.3029C17.6124 24.3673 16.4778 24.0829 15.5969 23.5014C14.555 22.8135 13.9452 21.7605 13.8799 20.5365C13.7514 18.1235 15.6656 16.3869 18.6431 16.2154C19.7001 16.1548 20.6889 16.2026 21.6031 16.358C21.4818 15.6156 21.2366 15.0274 20.8701 14.6018C20.3665 14.0171 19.5884 13.7173 18.5572 13.7107L18.5286 13.7106C17.7006 13.7106 16.5765 13.9423 15.8601 15.0291L14.1378 13.8476C15.0966 12.3926 16.6546 11.593 18.5278 11.593L18.5702 11.5931C21.702 11.6131 23.5671 13.5673 23.7524 16.9806ZM15.9524 20.4215C16.0193 21.6761 17.3751 22.2619 18.6801 22.1884C19.9578 22.1182 21.408 21.6169 21.6553 18.5291C20.9924 18.3842 20.2633 18.3085 19.4839 18.3085C19.247 18.3085 19.0059 18.3154 18.7602 18.3296C16.6145 18.4533 15.9029 19.4913 15.9524 20.4215Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="facebook">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="facebookLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="550" data-popup-window-height-value="357" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 18 18" class="icon"><path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M9 0a9 9 0 110 18A9 9 0 019 0zm2.606 4H10.24c-1.575 0-2.17.77-2.215 2.076l-.002.166v1.034H7V9h1.023V14h2.046V9h1.365l.181-1.724H10.07l.003-.862c0-.417.036-.655.553-.687l.128-.003h.853V4z"></path></svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="twitter">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="twitterLink" data-controller="popup-window" data-action="click->popup-window#open" data-popup-window-width-value="685" data-popup-window-height-value="246" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 36 36" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" d="M36 18C36 8.05887 27.9411 0 18 0C8.05887 0 0 8.05887 0 18C0 27.9411 8.05887 36 18 36C27.9411 36 36 27.9411 36 18ZM26.4163 9L19.7142 16.6226L27.0001 27H21.6396L16.7316 20.0104L10.5876 27H9L16.0278 19.0075L9 9H14.3604L19.0068 15.6173L24.8287 9H26.4163ZM13.5996 10.1714H11.1606L22.3878 25.8861H24.8275L13.5996 10.1714Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

      <li class="email">
        <a href="#" data-share-dialog-target="emailLink" target="_blank" rel="noopener">
          <div class="share_icon">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 18 18" class="icon">
<path fill-rule="evenodd" clip-rule="evenodd" d="M18 9C18 4.02944 13.9706 0 9 0C4.02944 0 0 4.02944 0 9C0 13.9706 4.02944 18 9 18C13.9706 18 18 13.9706 18 9ZM4.02511 5.73566C4.00872 5.77691 4.00004 5.82153 4.00004 5.86854L4 12.1317C4 12.1897 4.0135 12.2449 4.03762 12.2938C4.04581 12.2775 4.05691 12.2621 4.07041 12.2482L7.39793 8.87439L4.0772 5.81961C4.05116 5.79611 4.0338 5.76684 4.02511 5.73566ZM4.34327 12.4991L4.34195 12.499L7.67 9.12427L8.60412 9.98343C8.86598 10.2242 9.26962 10.2228 9.52956 9.98007L10.4564 9.11563L13.768 12.4736C13.7251 12.4904 13.6783 12.5 13.6296 12.5H4.3704C4.3612 12.5 4.35243 12.4996 4.34327 12.4991ZM13.9971 12.1795L10.727 8.86376L13.9913 5.81857C13.9932 5.81713 13.9947 5.81569 13.9961 5.81425C13.9986 5.832 14 5.85023 14 5.86846V12.1315C14 12.1478 13.999 12.1637 13.9971 12.1795ZM13.7686 5.52686C13.7257 5.50959 13.6789 5.5 13.6297 5.5L4.37041 5.50006C4.33617 5.50006 4.30338 5.50486 4.27155 5.5135C4.29229 5.52117 4.31158 5.53316 4.32846 5.549L8.85585 9.71283C8.97448 9.8222 9.15822 9.82172 9.27637 9.71139L13.7382 5.54989C13.7479 5.54077 13.758 5.5331 13.7686 5.52686Z"></path>
</svg>
          </div>
        </a>
      </li>

    </ul>
    <div class="permalink" data-controller="clipboard">
      <p>Share link</p>
      <div class="control -has-addons">
        <input type="text" value="https://themanchildmedia.com/blogs/read/posts/5808142/compared-to-what" data-clipboard-target="source" data-share-dialog-target="urlInput" data-action="click->share-dialog#selectUrl" readonly="true">
        <span class="control__suffix">
          <a class="button -simple -compact -icon-only" data-clipboard-target="button" data-action="clipboard#copy">
            <svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" viewBox="0 0 16 16" class="icon" width="16px" height="18px"><path d="M4.166.597c-.184 0-.369.15-.369.342v1.365c0 .191.185.341.369.341h9.189v9.216c0 .191.15.342.341.342h1.365c.191 0 .342-.15.342-.342V.94a.338.338 0 00-.342-.342H4.166zm7.44 3.798H.34A.338.338 0 000 4.736v10.923c0 .19.15.341.341.341h10.923c.191 0 .341-.15.341-.341V4.395z" fill-rule="evenodd"></path></svg>
          </a>
        </span>
      </div>
    </div>
  </dialog>
</div></li>
  </ul>

  <p class="post-info"></p>
</footer>


</article>

</div></div>
    <nav class="pagination">
    <span class="first">
  <a href="/read/blog_posts?p=1"><span class='pagination-decoration icon icon-first'></span>First</a>
</span>

    <span class="prev">
  <a rel="prev" href="/read/blog_posts?p=1"><span class='pagination-decoration icon icon-previous'></span>Prev</a>
</span>
        <span class="page">
  <a rel="prev" href="/read/blog_posts?p=1">1</a>
</span>

        <span class="page current">
  2
</span>

        <span class="page">
  <a rel="next" href="/read/blog_posts?p=3">3</a>
</span>

      <span class="next">
  <a rel="next" href="/read/blog_posts?p=3">Next<span class='pagination-decoration icon icon-next'></span></a>
</span>
      <span class="last">
  <a href="/read/blog_posts?p=3">Last<span class='pagination-decoration icon icon-last'></span></a>
</span>

  </nav>




</template></turbo-stream>